Nate & Jenny

Follow me here.

2011-06-29T10:26:00.000-06:00

You can come to my new blog....

wordswithjen.blogspot.com

Yay.

~Jenny

We turned 3.

2011-05-30T12:07:00.002-06:00

Today is the husband and my 3 year anniversary. Sometimes that number is totally weird and sometimes it's not. I love that kid more than anything in the world.

Reading, Reading, and Reading...

2011-05-30T11:57:00.000-06:00

I have been a reading fool lately.

I purchased Something Borrowed on 5/8.. (My first book of Kathy Griffin’s).
I have since read:
Something Blue
Love the one you’re with
Heart of the Matter
Baby Proof
5 books… three weeks… not bad.
Some of them I really liked. Some of them made me a crazy person. But I love when I find a good author.
My problem when I read is it usually takes up sleep time. Because I'm still working my 40 hours... and going to school... and the gym... and taking care of my husband and house... so reading comes around 1:00a.m.

Now I'm need of another book to read. Any suggestions?

Back to School...

2011-05-12T14:16:00.000-06:00

I had my first ~~day~~ night of school this week.

And I’m surprised how different things feel this time around.

I did the whole school thing… three years ago… before I got married.

I was little then. I worked 32 hours. School took up 12 hours plus homework.

I had a minimal social life. Mostly consisting of my Jessica and random friends.

I was really content.

Then I met this boy and married him.

Then I started working way too much. Got all old and responsible (even for me… I’ve always been too old for my age).

I think that school is going to be a happy thing!

…You can slap me later for thinking this…

But I am happy to do regular 23 year old things.
Ish.

I’m still working my crazy hours but there is a time I HAVE to leave now.

I’m still all old and married.

But I get to write papers about things I don’t care about.

I get to feel smart and accomplished outside of my work.

I get to smile when I sit next to 18 year old girls who are 5 years younger than me but I don’t feel at all older than them.

I get to worry about what to wear to school. I love an excuse to wear something pretty.

I get to laugh at my goal of not wearing the same thing twice.

I don’t know where this feeling is coming from per say but I’m happy that I’m happy about it.

One of the biggest downfalls to school is it’s probably going to cut down on my gym time.

I have been sooo dedicated lately and now I have to miss 2 days a week or go straight from work (9 hours) to school (3 hours) to gym (2 hours). Travel time not included.

How many hours are in a day again?

Well, yay for me going back to school.

Wish me luck in keeping this happy attitude.

Justice.

2011-05-02T10:59:00.001-06:00

I am writing tonight with a happy happy heart.

Late Friday night Nate and I were driving home (in the snow… don’t get me started) and having one of our many weird conversations. It would frighten you the topics we come up with sometimes. Anyways, Nate’s question was, “If you had to have someone killed, who would it be?” As I opened my mouth he said, “And it can’t be me.” So then I had to really think about it. I said that I would choose someone really sick so they wouldn’t suffer any more. Nate said that he would kill someone truly evil like Osama Bin Laden. He said that he was going to wish death upon Osama every morning.

Fast forward until Sunday night.

Breaking News: Osama Bin Laden is dead.

There were tears in my eyes as I waited for President Obama to come on and officially give the news. What a happy day for America. I wish I was in Washington DC or in New York City so I could go out and celebrate with the crowds. Thank Heaven that terrible man is finally off of this earth and I truly believe he is in a place that will give him what he deserves. While I know that his death doesn’t really change a lot: there are still soldiers giving up their lives to defend our freedom, there are still empty places in people’s hearts caused by the destruction of September 11th, and there are still more evil people in the world … Tonight, I think, we can take a breath and soak in the feelings of victory and justice. Tonight we can be even more proud of our soldiers who are the best in the world. Tonight we can feel even more grateful that we live in the USA.

Thank you to the soldiers. We owe you everything.

Happy Birthday.. to me!

2011-04-18T16:34:00.000-06:00

When I was a little girl I played an imaginary game with my best friend Juliana that we called “College”.

We would spend hours cutting out pictures so we could make divers licenses, passports, and bus tickets. We would fill our dad’s old planners with important appointments like school, work, hair, nails, and most importantly, dates with good-looking boys.

We lived the best lives.

On every single paper that I had to enter my age, I put 23. I guess it was just my favorite number. And 23 wasn't too old but it was old enough.

Today I am 23.

I’m quite a bit different than my “College” counterpart.

I am happily married to a boy who is more handsome than I even dreamed of.

I am a college-drop-out-probably-going-back-someday-person but…

I am working at a big person’s job and I am really good at what I do.

I have a mortgage.

Two car payments.

401K

I spend more money on groceries than clothes.

I am SURROUNDED by the best best friends.

Today I am 23 and I’m not exactly who I thought I’d be but I’m happy with who I am.

Happy Birthday to me.

Getting Better.

2011-04-12T18:01:00.002-06:00

Do you ever have those crappy moments-days-weeks that are really for no reason?

I've been in a slump lately. Part of it was drug induced. Oh, I'm healing up nicely. I had a nasty rash from the bandaids and getting my stitches out was worse than all of it but I no longer look like an animal attacked me (as my husband gently put it) so that's good. I was an emotional wreck for about a week. I would cry my eyes out every few hours and I'm attributing that to the drugs. (I'm not pregnant, thanks). Now i'm getting better.

A few sure-fire ways to get me feeling better:

1. Remember how incredibly lucky I am. There are always going to be things that don't go my way but I'm learning to accept that. As I grow up, I realize how truly blessed I am to have my incredible family. I also have the BEST best friends and I can't forget that there's this boy... I think he likes me a lot. :) I am lucky to be loved by such great people.

I lked our bright clothes.

Ha ha. She's such a stinker.

2. Dance. I think everyone should turn on some music and dance around the house, or dance with some little children (Ella shaking her booty is priceless), or go to the gym and dance with your best friends. There's something amazingly healing about shaking it for a few minutes. New goal: Dance for no less than 10 minutes a day.

3. Don't be so hard on yourself. When I'm in a sad mood, I usually take it out on myself. I realize just how white I am, how much flab I should probaby lose before summertime, how my face is hopelessly covered in spots... Surprisingly, these thoughts don't help me feel better. :) Instead, I'm trying to give myself a little more credit and be okay with who I am inside and out.

4. Remember that it's my birthday in t-minus 6 days. I want to turn 23 right now. It's the age I've wanted to be since forever. I kind of hate birthdays but nothing could ruin this day.

6 more days until I can open this!

5. Last but certainly not least... it's THIS close to summer. I can't even wait.

Ouchies.

2011-04-01T21:08:00.001-06:00

Happy April Fool's Day.

I however am not playing any jokes today. I am one sore little girl. If you don't like gross stories, you should probably skip this post...

You've been warned.

Yesterday I had a few moles biopsed. They ended up being a lot more invasive on 3 of them than I thought they would be. I have 30 stitches (and that only counts as one for the running stitch they did on top) between my 3 little wounds on my lower half. Then I have 3 little gouges on my arms, no stitches for them... just open sores. I was feeling pretty good Thursday night (I even went to the gym with Juliana). However, when I got home and hopped in the shower I lasted about 20 seconds and got out crying.

Now I have to interject here. I feel like I have a high pain tolerance. I got 16 shots yesterday and didn't flinch... but these little buggers are hurting me today! I am not happy about it.

Now if you don't like gross pictures you should probably skip the next few...

One on this arm, and one on the other. I liked my bandaids.

#1 About an inch long

#2. Another inch. And #3 is too awkward to see. :)

Today was my pity party day. Tomorrow will be better.

A day with Nate...

2011-03-27T14:26:00.000-06:00

Nathan and I haven't been able to see each other very much the past few weeks. His work schedule has been a real adjustment and on top of that, I was in Washington and he had drill... so this weekend was the first time we got to spend a day together in March. Yesterday was near perfect. Lunch at the Olive Garden. Movie together (limitless... meh). Shopping at the mall (first time Nate has been there in years, not exaggerating). Then coming home and eating leftovers and watching a movie (Unstoppable... meh).

I am one lucky girl.

Take one.

Take two.

Big lips.

2011-03-22T23:07:00.001-06:00

Today was a happy day after a string of awful days.

I went to Toys R Us and loved everything. I walked away with a good amount of little girly gifts for my sweet Ella and Rylee. (Happy Day to them tomorrow).

I finished wrapping presents for my Dana. Gotta ship them tomorrow so they arrive in Germany in time. In time = before she venures off on an Italian getaway. So super jealous but no one deserves it more.

Banana Wednesday is BACK starting in April. (For those of you out of the loop... 30% one full priced item every Wednesday... my sisters and my mom and me go shopping and buy one thing... it's really pure happiness).

I watched the Tourist. Meh. I liked it. Only problem is I hate liking Angelina Jolie. :)

My cold sores are so huge... they are making me laugh. a lot. They are so ugly it hurts. I am however comparing the size of my lips to Angelina's... quite fitting that I chose this movie. Bright side: Cold sores = the weather is changing= Jenny's extreme happiness.

Please enjoy the very unflattering images and they don't even really do the beauties justice.

Nathan gets home an HOUR earlier. Which is the happiest thing. I get to see him for more than 15 minutes. I get one whole hour. (Speaking of the job... He is loving it).

And that means I gotta get off thing...

Coming Home.

2011-03-11T17:10:00.000-07:00

Sooo I spent the week in Washington again. Work was as busy as expected and I am happily sitting at my computer and for this first time all week I'm taking a break. I am refusing to open my outlook again until Monday. The hundreds of emails that will surely pile up between now and then can wait because tonight I'm going home and tonight I am going to relax.

Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed at this life that I lead. Sometimes travelling to pretty cities, working long hours, solving big issues, sleeping in hotel rooms all seem too much to me. Sometimes I want to be back in school with no job, no money, and lots of homework. Sometimes I want to have a little family with beautiful little babies. Sometimes I want nothing to do with dealing with having a job. Sometimes I want to be a little less responsible.

I need to get home. I need to kiss Nathan. I need to see my family. I need to put away my work computer. I need to unwind. This feeling will go away. Monday morning, I will head to my pretty desk with my new fancy smancy computer waiting. Monday, I will remember that I am really loving my new job.

When I get in these moods about my life not being what I want it to be I tell myself...

The best thing that I can do is be the best person that I can be.

And I truly believe that. I can't control the world. I can't control the people in my world. I can't control the situations that come up. I can control myself and my happiness. I choose to be happy.

I am about to board my plane and head home. I can't wait.

I did take some pictures but I'll upload them later on a probably happier post...

This picture was taken right outside the Fluke building (by my phone's camera). Washington is such a BEAUTIFUL place.

Bedroom Bathroom Room Paint (The video should work now)

2011-03-02T23:42:00.005-07:00

Well we painted. And I love it. It's very cozy. Please enjoy the before (which are all blurry... sorry) and during pictures and the after video. :)

Today WASN'T a Monday?

2011-02-22T17:40:00.001-07:00

Goodness three day weekends are lovely except that they turn Tuesday's in to Mondays and I hate Mondays.

This Monday started off with two very bittersweet things...
1. Text message from Nate: I'm not going to paint today
Text message from Jenny: Why?
Text message from Nate: I don't feel like it
Text message draft from Jenny: I don't really care if you don't feel like it... (Then I gave up and decided to call him).
Phone call, Nate: I got the Ebay job! (sweet) but the hours stink. For training I have to be there from 3pm-11pm. (bitter) I will miss my husband for the next seven weeks but I am SooOoo PROUD of him. I think this job will be great.

2. Phone call from the boss: Can you come see me?
Response from me: Surely, be right down.
Converstaion with boss: Yada yada yada... You need to go back to Everett for a few days in the next few weeks (bitter) , please look at your schedule and set up your trip. I'm off to Washington the 7th - 11th of March. I am looking forward to the sea food, the pretty sites, and coming home (sweet).

I'm off to start painting... picture soooon.

This is my mixed tape.

2011-02-22T17:36:00.002-07:00

I love CD mixes. I love listening to a mix I made years ago and remember what I was thinking when I made it. I love listening to mixes that Nate made me when we were dating. I love mixes, I love music. We don't make CD's anymore. We just listen to our phones with our bluetooth so... I thought it would be a fun thing to write on my blog what my mixed tape would look like from time to time.
Here's My Beginning of 2011 Mixed Tape:

1. A Bad Dream by Keane.
2. Bulletproof Weeks by Matt Nathanson
3. 23 by Jimmy Eat World
4. A Brand New Day by Joshua Radin
5. Ready by Kelly Clarkson
6. Trust me by The Fray
7. Light by Sara Barallies
8. Enchanted by Taylor Swift
9. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer
10. Just a Feeling by Maroon 5
11. Baby by Justin Bieber
12. Pursuit of Happiness by Kid Cudi
13. Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
14. Down by Jason Walker
15. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot by Brand New
16. A Little More Country than That by Easton Corbin
17. Happier by A Fine Frenzy

Happy mixing.

Organizing.

2011-02-16T22:01:00.003-07:00

We had a very happy Valentine's Day hanging out at Ryan and Katie's.

And... Nate bought me a clock. :) It's perfect. It was a COMPLETE surprise and I love it.

I am in complete re-decorate, re-organize mode. I always forget to take before pictures but here are two afters:

This one isn't really an after. It's just a picture I liked to remind me that I need a place to dry my gentles. I'm thinking a bar that goes across my laundry closet. Hmmm. We'll see.

Next project is painting the bedroom. We have FINALLY decided on colors. I can't wait to just start. And I need to start right now or this mood will go away. I will do my bestest to take befores and afters.

Love Day.

2011-02-14T13:22:00.004-07:00

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Valentine’s Day makes me want to be ten years old again. I want to pass out Valentine’s and then discuss with my friends for hours about the ones that say “Be Mine” from anonymous. Now that I’m older and happily married.. Valentine’s Day is less fun. Ha ha. We plan on watching the Bachelor (See my thoughts on this below) with Ryan and Katie. I do like Valentine’s Day because it’s another reason to give/get gifts. I don’t know what I’m getting from Nate (first time… ever) and that makes me excited. He even asked where the wrapping paper is kept in our house. This is going to be good. Our first Valentine’s Day together, Nate literally had a list of items that he told me he got. He walked in to my house on Valentine’s Day (after I’d already received a few gifts) and told me to come to his car. On the way out of the house he said, “It’s a dog.” Ha ha. A cute little stuffed dog awaited me on the front seat. Just like that Valentine’s day and this one (3 years later)… I love my Nathan. I’m happy he is my Valentine.

We went to Altamont this past weekend. It was lots of fun. Grant (Nate’s brother) and his wife Shawnna have a bunch of little animals right now and we so enjoyed playing with their little puppies and their cute lambs. (pictures to come) It’s always so nice to visit with Pat and Rex and catch up with our family. Driving to Altamont is something I love to do. I fell in love with Nate on the ride to Altamont. Every time we hit this one turn, I remember the moment that I knew that I didn’t want to live without this boy. Oh mushy gushy. But it’s Valentine’s Day so I’m allowed.

My older sister Julie turned 27 last week. Julie is my other half. I love that she is my sister. We went bowling and laser tagging for her birthday with our whole family and her boyfriend’s whole family. It was too much fun. Even Ella and Jack participated in Laser Tag. (Ella with a huge vest on running around is probably the cutest thing I’ve seen in awhile). Nathan was the leader from our team both games even though he was in charge of watching Ella. I think he used her as a diversion. J Heehee. Happy days.

We’re off to Yost again this weekend. Cross your fingers there are no unforeseen cold walks in our future.

Now on to the Bachelor: I have loved this show since… forever. I don’t think I’ve missed a season (judge me). Per usual, I’m loving this season. I LOVE Emily. Just like everyone else. But I think she’s too good for Brad. I would LOVE to see her as the next Bachelorette. I like Britt but we don’t ever see her. I expect her to leave this week. My favorite for Brad is Shawntel. Not to be confused with Chantal. I don’t like her. This week looks to be another episode packed with more reasons I don’t like her. I don’t really care for Ashley either. (I liked the Ashley that left) I’m surprised she’s still around. Oh and Michelle kills me. I laugh so much at her. I’m happy she is representing Utah in such a beautiful way. (sarcasm is hard to type) I think she’ll be gone this week as well… but who knows.

Last but certainly not least… My dearest Jerica had her baby yesterday. Little Kennidy Joan is already such a loved girl. Congratulations Mommy and Daddy and family.

Yost.

2011-01-30T19:30:00.001-07:00

Well we had an adventure this past weekend...

We headed off to Yost (Utah.. almost Idaho) to hang out with Ryan, Katie, Katie's parents, Jack and Ella at their cabin. Nate and I didn't know how to get there and we made it pretty close before we got completely lost. :) Our GPS sent us one way which didn't really match up to our mapquest or Ryan's direction but they weren't making sense either so we kept going only to find ourselves up a canyon with the snow getting deeper and deeper and deeper. We knew we weren't on the right road but it was too late to turn around. Before long, we were stuck. Our little Ford Focus was completely buried and Nate's pushing wasn't even moving it anymore. If we got lost, Katie and Ryan were going to come looking for us at 8:00. It was 7:00 when we were stuck. We decided we needed to get down the canyon and try and meet them or knock on one of the very few houses we saw driving up.

We walked and walked and walked in our snow clothes in the freezing cold. 5 miles later we ended up at a house and knocked on the door. There was only a little boy there and he said his parents weren't home but his uncle lived a little ways down the road and he would call him. We started walking again towards his uncle's house and soon a group of them picked us up. They went and grabbed another truck and we headed up the mountain to get us out. The farther we went up the mountain the more impressed they were with our little car. I kept telling them the farther up we get, the more embarrassed I feel. They were soooo nice and kept just laughing with us. They got our car out without a lot of trouble explained to us where we went wrong and we were on our way. It was around 10 when we met up with Ryan and Katie as they were leaving the cabin to go and look for us again. Thankfully, we met them before they left.

It was an adventure. I was nervous but Nate held my hand the entire way and would look back at me and ask, "How are you?" every few minutes. He would gently nudge me on and say "We'll stop when we get to the first house, we need to keep up this pace." We were very blessed that the uncle was home because it was a few more miles until we would even be able to knock on another house and there was no way Ryan and Katie would've looked for us where we were.

The rest of the weekend was a lot of fun. We made a few fires, hiked around, worked on the cabin, played with the kids, and went to some hot pots. They weren't regular hot pots... they were pools that were heated with the hot pot water. It was probably one of the funniest nights I've ever had. When you get Ryan and Nate together, you're always in for something.

It will be a weekend we'll never forget.

Now we're home and tired and sore but happy and warm.

Take me to Disneyland.

2011-01-13T16:17:00.002-07:00

Disneyland.

When we went to Disneyland last April/May (which by the way doesn’t feel like that long ago) and we were told that THE time to go to Disneyland is right after the Holidays. Everyone goes back to school and work and the parks are empty. Then Katie decided she wanted to take the kids (Jack and Ella) to Disneyland sometime soon and we put two and two together and booked a trip to Disneyland for the beginning of January.

We flew out on Wednesday the 5th and came home on the 8th.

It was definitely not very empty but it was so much fun. My dad, mom, brother, sister-in-law, sisters, husband, nephew, and niece all came. It was a different trip than we’re used to but it was a perfect trip. We rode more kid rides, rode less adult rides, walked a little slower, and went home a little earlier. It was so fun to watch Ella and Jack love the place. Nate and I were the lucky ones to share a room with Katie and Ryan and in turn got our own personal wakeup call at 6:00a.m. every morning from sweet Miss Ella. She was far too cute to turn away. (When we got home on Sunday and we woke up, the first thing Nate said was, “I miss Ella”).

It was warm-ish. (60 degrees is A TON better than where we are… stupid snow). It was a perfect break from the world. We already went to go back. August anyone?

I love my family. I love that we can spend 4 days completely together, get home at 11:00 Saturday night, and still want to have Sunday dinner together the next day. I love that tonight’s plan is to go bowling with everyone. I love us.

Enjoy the millions of pictures we took….

Facebook Album

P.S. Sorry that’s lame just to post a link but there were seriously TOOOO many to even think about choosing from.

Remember when...

2010-12-30T11:26:00.003-07:00

With the start of the New Year so close, I want to start a weekly tradition of remembering when.
This section will be full of silly, sad, happy, glad, mad... memories and thoughts.

They’ll be accompanied by one picture that best describes the memory.

We’ll start off the remembering with….

Dear Friends,

Remember when I said I wanted to be a bird? Today I REALLY mean it. See you in the spring.

Love,
My toes are cold

2010

2010-12-28T15:38:00.038-07:00

Year in review…
It doesn’t feel right to be doing this yet. Holy moly where did this year go?

The Monthly breakdown:
January: Nate graduated from Basic Training.

February: I visited FLW and spent Valentine’s Day with him.

March: Visited once more and started counting down the days till he was home.

April: Nate came home (!!!) and I turned 22 (which ended up not being as bad as I thought).

May: Disneyland with Devin and Missy. We also celebrated anniversary number 2.

June: Enjoyed the summer and Nate went on a golf trip with friends to St. G.

July: Nate turned 24.

August: Dana came to visit. We got Family pictures taken. My mom, sisters, and me went to Disneyworld.

September: We had two kittens for a short while. Nate went to the Nebraska game in Washington.

October: I spent 2 weeks in Washington for work and Celebrated Halloween in style with my J-Club.

November: Spent another week in Washington for work and had a Happy Thanksgiving.

December: Dana and Wes came to visit and we had some of the happiest days of our lives then we had a Merry Merry Christmas.

The Stats:
Months-straight Nate and me lived in different places: 3 (Jan, Feb, Mar).

Round-trip Flights for Jenny: 8 (16 freeeeaking flights for one year... that feels like a lot still).

Jenny’s nights spent in a hotel With Nathan: 7 Without: 36 That is 43 total nights in a hotel room. That feels like a lot.

New animals: 2, kittens that are playing together in Kitty Heaven.

Babies for us: 0. ha ha. One year, it'll happen.

Road trips: 2, Vegas and Disneyland

New cars: 1, Our little blue Ford Focus.

Out of state vacations: 4, Disneyland, Disneyworld, Vegas, Washington

States visited: 7, Utah, Arizona, Nevada, California, Missouri, Florida, Washington.

New babies to family and best friends: 2, Kristen and Steve welcomed baby Dagen. Jessica and Chase became the proud parents of baby Hobbs and now have an angel in Heaven.

Summary: 2010 was full of work, more than ever before.. but I guess that's what I get for growing up. It was full of plenty of vacations, so many friends, and happy memories. Looking back it was overwhelming full. We are blessed little ducks at the Wilcox household.

2011 Goals:
My only goals currently are: Get to Germany and get my bum back to the gym.

2011 Exciting Happenings:
I'm off to Disneyland with my family NEXT WEEK. I am so beyond excited.

I turn 23 in April, which is my FAVORITE number and I'm already excited... is that strange?

Nate is excited for the Xbox 720 launch that should happen this year. :) Ohhhh dear.

Well. HAPPY NEW YEAR, Friends.

All I want for Christmas...

2010-12-23T12:35:00.001-07:00

Dear Santa,

I want all the soldiers to come home and the world to stay safe.

I want a kitten named Rue that stays little forever.

I want a tan and warmer weather or to remember what it’s like to enjoy the snow.

I want to forgive and forget.

I want to snuggle with Nathan for a week and have no other plans.

I want an endless supply of Cheesecake Factory Linda’s fudge cake that I can eat every day and lose ten pounds.

I want yesterday to mean a little less and tomorrow to mean a little more.

I want an endless supply of boots and cardigans.

I want to laugh a little easier and stress a little less.

I want to be with all of my family and all of my friends and not have to say goodbye.
Please and thank you.

~Miss Jenny.

Vegas.

2010-12-15T10:24:00.000-07:00

Oh boy.

We went on a little vacation to Vegas last week with our friends Wes and Dana. We were so priviledged to steal them away for a few days while they are here. I’m not sure I can even explain the fun we had. It was Dana and my first time there and I must say it wasn’t so bad. I was worried it would be too scandalous for me but we actually had a lot a lot of fun. We stayed in a super fancy place (with ajoining rooms). Went to a very fun show (Mystere). Gambled not-to-much of our money away (whew). Ate a lot of yummy food (Some more than others *cough* Dana *cough*). Walked around the strip (there are some verrrrry interesting people in the world). But most of all just enjoyed being together.

Weston heads back to Afghanistan this week and Dana back to Germany and with them they will take a part of us. Someday we will live in the same part of the world and be able to see each other more than once a year. Until then, we will enjoy these visits TOO much.

Tangled.

2010-12-06T21:24:00.002-07:00

Tangled.

Go and see it.

It was funny...

and cute...

and silly..

and really cute...

and I loved it.

Did I mention it was cute?

I am off to Vegas for the rest of the week with these crazy kids starting tomorrow. Heaven knows how excited I am.

Thanksgiving blues.

2010-12-03T16:36:00.001-07:00

I get sad right around this time of year… every year.

There’s something about the Thanksgiving holiday that makes me feel like the year is almost over and I’ve accomplished nothing. I think about all of the shopping that NEEDS to be done. The decorations that NEED to be put up. The too-cold weather that makes me shiver when I think about going outside. The stressing about year end at work. The overwhelming feeling that once again, I’m unprepared for another year being gone.

Soon, I will feel better as the Christmas spirit enters my heart. Soon, I’ll be giddy as can be about putting presents under a lit up Christmas tree. Soon, the snow will feel so peaceful. Soon, there will be vacation time off of work.. and family time.. and friend time… soon, I will remember why this is my favorite time of year.

Today. Not so much.

Sooo. I wonder… what makes you feel better?

What kind of snap-out-of-it tricks do you have?

One thing that has always helped me is to make a list of what I’m thankful for (and hey, it was just Thanksgiving and I haven’t blogged in forever)… I have done this before and you probably know most of them.. .but I’ll try my darndest to come up with new ones.

1. The obvious. Nate. Family. Friends. My whole life is about my people. I am so blessed to be so close to so many wonderful people. I know that I am so lucky.

2. Boooots. I am obsessed with boots. I HATE during the summer that I can’t wear boots. My FAV brown pair of boots died at the beginning of this winter season and I am still looking for someone to mend my broken heart and them. BUT I have a pair of black boots that instantly make me happier the second they hit my feet.

3. Middle of the night conversations. Nathan is a terrible sleeper. It is totally weird if he goes to bed before 3:00. Usually I get woken up around that time and I love love love the ten minute conversations we have. He is especially funny at that time.

4. Candies. Give me sweets, I’ll love you forever. Yesterday was a great day full of sweets. I got a chocolate covered cookie from my mom at lunch, a brownie from a supplier around 2, and a snickers around 3 from a co-worker who was leaving… I probably shouldn’t have eaten them all. But. I. did.

5. Journal reading/meant to be. I have recently re-read my journal. Focusing on the time before I met Nate. What a happy happy thing it is for me to go back and read things I wrote before I even knew the kid. I feel like I was prepared to know him. I love that I can say that. Oh cute.

6. Love. Mostly, I’m referring to my bestest friends Dana and Wes being reunited. Wes is home for 2-weeks from Afghanistan and we got to go to the airport to see them be reunited after 6 months. I adore Dana and Wes. Seeing them together still makes me a little teary eyed. So happy he’s here. Can't wait to go and party in Vegas next week.

7. My Christmas tree. I love it. I woke up super duper early on Black Friday… fought off some old people… and got my tree! It’s amazing. I can’t wait to finish decorating it. Why can’t I have a Christmas tree up all year long?

8. My new phone. Amazing. Samsung Fascinate. In love. So cool. So fun. Nate woke up super early on Black Friday and got himself a fancy black one, I went later and got a fancy white one… for free. 700$ phones for free. Yay.

9. This picture….. we took these pictures almost a year ago when Nate was home from basic. I am so in love with this one. It’s hard for me to remember a more perfect day than this.

Well that’s all folks.
Mucho love.

Tag, you're it.

2010-11-18T15:17:00.001-07:00

Jo Jo Hoover Eardley tagged me... and I never miss out on a tag!

1. What is your ALL time favorite song and why? Eeeek. This is such an impossible question. I do say when I'm forced to answer... that "Run" by Snow Patrol is my favorite sad song or "What hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts... those are two songs I can't listen to very often but my favorite.

2. What was the most memorable part of your wedding day and or first date if you aren't married yet. ;)
Hmmm. I remember dancing for the first time as husband and wife. It was really our first alone time and it all sunk in. He was mine. I was his. So happy.

3. What do you want to be when you grow up? I don't know. I have dreams of writing books, travelling the world, being rich... but I would be so happy to be a mom.

4. Why do you blog? To update my loved ones. I love love when people say, "Oh I saw that on your blog..." It makes me feel like I'm connected to people I don't get to see as much as I wish I could.

5. What is your favorite attribute about yourself and why? Hmm. My favorite compliment that I get from time to time is that I'm gentle. I like to think that means nurturing and loving... not just sensitive.

6. What's on your Christmas list this year? Boots. And maybe a kindle. Or clothes. Or house things. Or I don't know.

7. What is your "signature drink"? It could be homemade, your daily Starbucks drink, or what you always order when you go out. If it is homemade, will you include the recipe? I really really like chocolate milk. REALLY like it.

okie, I tag.... Alex, Keisha, Danielle, and Dana.

Things I LIKED today...

2010-11-11T21:50:00.003-07:00

I like that I believe we were meant to be.
I like when songs make more sense unedited.
I like that Washington's freeways end and become regular roads.
I like how green my eyes get in the winter.
I like when my head hurts from listening to music too loud.
I like that the JAZZ beat the HEAT and the MAGIC.
I like that my hotel rool bed is HUGE and I still sleep on my side.
I like that I can make more than 5 u-turns in a ten minute trip.
I like text messages talking about missing me.
I like that there are two laptops on my bed and I'm using both of them.
I like bacon wrapped prawns, and chocolate bavarian cream donuts, and tai food... all in one day.
I like that I can laugh about not seeing the sun the past few days.
I like the older men that walked around my work with military hats on, and the cute hugs they gave when I said thank you.
I like getting in bed before nine and not falling asleep until midnight.

I like that I go home tomorrow. It's time!

This was me... then.

2010-11-04T12:53:00.000-06:00

I write myself little notes whenever I think of a poem idea... I call them shorts. Or rambles (depending on the length). My little shorts cover many notebooks, many texts, and many many emails. If I'm driving and I think of something, I pull over (honestly) and text myself so I don't forget. If i'm home or at school, I doodle on a notebook... If I'm at work, I add it to my current draft of other rambles... when it gets big enough or I'm feeling extra creative and want to finish a poem I'll email myself. There are little words everywhere. This is the one that I'm emailing home today. PS. So so so very few of my sad poems have anything to do with Nate. He makes it harder to write because he makes me happy and I like to write when I'm sad. I hate sharing poems now because I worry everyone thinks they're about him when they're not. I very rarely write about who I am now. I write about me then. I like to look back. I like to process what I felt at a certain time... okay...

And the only rainy cloudy... on my perfect day... Is that I got everything I wanted, And you stayed the same.

I am happy that he's happy somewhere…Not here.

Have you ever wanted a place to go

And never come back the same?

I’m not crazy it just hurts.

There’s a place in myself,

Where everything you is hidden away.

There are boxes of letters.

My memories of begging you to stay.

There are excuses and empty words.

Scars that only I can see.

Broken promises, Regret.

It’s all a part of me.

Sometimes it hurts more because it hurt you.

It doesn’t matter how much I would like you If I could, I can’t.

You might be a bigger liar than the rest.

But look at this smile, I’m the best.

Sometimes I wish I treated you like you treated me.

I think everybody is just looking for an excuse to feel damaged.

The moment that you stopped loving me is still fresh in my mind.
Please don’t be in love with somebody else.

I crave to understand
but it's been a long time since I've wanted to be understood.

You might think you’re a mistake,
But you are my escape.
I am coming back to you again.
This has always been the cheapest medicine.

I was so silly to think you’d love me forever.

Now I just need to put the words together and finish a poem (which never happens).

This was me... then.

Everybody's doing it...

2010-11-02T19:02:00.003-06:00

Here's some Halloween pictures of the two of us...

We had lots of fun. I'm a BIG FAN of Halloween and this year didn't disappoint. I went to a dance with my Jessica last weekend (as a corpse bride). It was fun to get all dressed up and have a night out. The dance was meh though.

Halloween weekend, we had a party with my best friends that was too much fun. I laughed way too much. Saturday we hung out with Jack and Ella and went to a little shin-dig with some other friends.

Hope your Halloween was as great as ours.

The girl in the dress cried the whole way home...

2010-10-28T10:08:00.001-06:00

I LOVE sad songs.

I love when you find a song that EXPLAINS how you felt at a moment.

I love remembering a sad feeling at a happier time. I love understanding a sad feeling and I think that's the best way to do it.

As lame as it may be to admit (is it lame to love her, not sure?), Taylor Swift's album has been a lifesaver this week. Things have been a tad-bit overwhelming and her sad little lyrics are making everything better.

Maybe that doesn't make sense? But it does to me.

Soooo. If you love T-Swift and sad songs, you should go and listen to:

Dear John.
Last Kiss.
Back to December.

Uhhh mazing.

Just for boys.

2010-10-21T21:45:00.001-06:00

So.......

I play fantasy basketball.

and I like it.

But I need some help...

I'm the only girl in the league and so I like to have very girly, truly annoyingly girly names... Any good ideas?

Last year: Cinderella's Ballers was the name.

This year:

Jenzy's Boys is all I've come up with.

Got one better? I'd forever love you..

Business Trip.

2010-10-16T16:32:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure where to even start about writing about the past two weeks.

There were some of the longest days of my life... definitely the longest work days... but it doesn't feel like 2 weeks since I've been home.

But then it does.

Make sense?

Work was what I expected. Long hours. Stressful moments. I handled it well.
But I wasn't expecting feeling so sad saying goodbye to people that have been a part of my life since I was 16 years old. Some of those old men have become some of my closest friends and I'm not going to see them again. How strange it is to say goodbye to people that you want to see again but won't.

Being in a hotel room alone for two weeks was a weird experience. I like my alone time but sometimes I get a little lost in that alone feeling. I wrote more this past weekend than I have in a long long time...

On a particularly sad day, I got back to my hotel room kinda late and I had a voicemail that said I had a package at the front desk... I didn't know what it could be. I wondered if I shipped something to my hotel instead of work... so when I walked down to the front desk and had a big box with happy little sayings on the side, I was completely suprised. My sweet family sent me a package full of goodies, banana republic clothes and a big balloon. I love love love them. I missed them and it was nice to feel like they missed me.

Last weekend Nate flew out and we spent the weekend with our sister Kristen and her family. It was one of the best weekends of my life. I laughed so much. I loved going to the casino for a night out, and then spending a day riding four-wheelers and relaxing. It was PERFECT. I love my husband. I love my family.

I am currently sitting in the airport. I was here way too early but I had nothing else to do.

I'm so excited to go home.

T-minus 3 hours.

Packing.

2010-10-02T20:45:00.003-06:00

I'm packingggg for a two week work trip and I hate it.

I like to try on five outfits and then decide I didn't like them all and look for something else. My suitcase is not going to be very cooperative to that habit. Tangent: I am now going to call my suitcase my frillyclothescase or prettythingscase. I don't ever pack any suits in said case.

There is one good thing about packing: Asking Nate questions like, "Is this too many cardigans?" and listening to his responses. :) (HINT: The correct answer is: There is no such thing as too many cardigans!)

Speaking of packing, my place of work is all packed away. What a very surreal experience it was to pack,wrap, secure, and add notes on everything saying "STAYING" or "GOING." It's strange to pack up the place that has been so much of my life for the past 6 years and wish it all well.

Soon it will all be over and I will be on to bigger and better things.

I.just.have.to.survive.this.two.week.trip.

Or, just live through this stupid packing thing.

All packed away.

There was space for me to pull off my cooooool moves. :)

(This sign should say... Please see the blonde girl running around like a crazy person. Please speak slowly and kindly when stating your question. She has worked a lot of hours lately and packed away too many things to really understand what you mean. It is best to convince her to walk to where ever you are and show her exactly what you mean. BEWARE. If you ask her a question about a cart that cleary states what should happen to it, she will not be nice to you. I ran out of room on the page.. so please see Jenny with questions is what they got)

Video.

2010-09-25T19:56:00.000-06:00

I love finding little gems like this on the computer.

This was when Nate was home for Christmas last year (hence how tiny he is) and the first video ever made with his new laptop.

I'm glad he likes me.

New.

2010-09-25T19:41:00.000-06:00

Updates.

Nathan went to Washington last weekend for the Nebraska vs. Washington game. He had WAY too much fun. I'm really glad he decided to come home. Can I just say I love that kid? Through all the ups and downs in life... he is my constant. He holds my hand when I am scared about the future. He cuddles me when I had a terrible day. He makes me laugh no matter how awful I feel. I am so lucky to have him and miss him when we're away from each other.

Speaking of away, my flights are booked for my business trip to Washington. I leave on the 4th for two weeks. It's going to be some CRAZY hours, STRESSFUL days, but I am feeling like I can do it. (I might not feel so confident come Friday... but I'm being positive today). Nathan's going to visit the first weekend and hopefully I can sneak away from work to spend some time with Nate's sister Kristen and her cute family.

When we get home... I now have a job. I was officially offered a job at the same place on Friday. They even sweetened the deal, and they're giving me most of my severence money to stay. So relieved I don't have to worry so much about a job anymore. I think I'll even enjoy my new job. I am going to be a Project Coordinator for the engineering team. It's a lot of what I do now, and a lot of new.

Speaking of new, one of my bestests friends colored my hair and i'm LOVING it. It's darker and blonder and different and I like it lots.

Something I don't like lots, Lisa (my pretty little sister) no longer works with me. It was SO nice to always have her there. She understood. She knew what projects I was working on and how hard they were. She made me feel better and she's GONE! I am super happy for her and her new job. I just miss her. With her leaving, we are now in need of a car. If anyone knows of anyone selling one for CHEAP... let us know.

I think that's everything.

We're busy. It's gonna get busier before it gets better. But there's only a few weeks left and thing SHOULD settle down. :)

My hate for Monday's.

2010-09-13T10:31:00.000-06:00

I hate Mondays. If you could see my journal you would see that phrase written over and over and over. I get so sad Sunday night because it means tomorrow is Monday! Don't even get me started about how I feel when I change the alarm from going off at 10:30 to 7:30. In contrast, Monday at 5:00 could be my happiest time of the week. Strange? I know. But 5:00 Monday means no more Monday work days.

I have a few tricks to make Mondays a little happier...

1. Don't work. Sleep in. :) If you can't do this step, go on to step 2.

2. Listen to a few upbeat songs. I have a monday morning mix. Here you won't find any of my favorite sad songs. ONLY upbeat, happy, wishful songs. IE: Owl City and Katy Perry are on the playlist for today. My mood is changing already.

3. Facebook. My ten o-clock Monday morning break on Facebook happens to be my favorite. I purposely don't spend much time on the weekend checking out everyone's Facebook pages. Come Monday, you will find me saying... "She said what?!" or "They're getting married!" or "Babies!" Instantly happier.

4. Don't wear make up. I know I know. That usually puts me in a bad mood too. BUT Monday's-no-make-up-day is THE BEST. Either people will think you had a great weekend and aren't all together today or they will think you're having an awful Monday. In both cases, people leave you alone. People leaving me alone = pure joy at work.

5. If the no-make-up thing isn't possible, try getting all dressed up. When you feel pretty, the world seems prettier. I haven't gotten over my hate for Monday's enough to try this method. The thought of waking up 30 minutes earlier to get cute is.not.an.option. for me on Monday's. Dress up day for me is Thursday's. I love Thursdays.

6. Plan out exactly what you're doing on Monday's. I have an internal debate EVERY monday morning about the reasons why I should go to work that day. Nathan probably hears this every other Monday... I don't think I'm going to work today and then about 5 minutes later I will remember that I have this project to do or that person to meet with and bound out of bed and run to work. I TRY and schedule meetings for 8:30 Monday's just so I come.

Keep in mind. There are only 8 hours of work-Monday. Don't work extra hours on Monday. There's Tuesday-Friday to do that. Go home at 5:00. It will end.

Here's to surviving Mondays!

Alice.

2010-09-08T22:08:00.006-06:00

Sad news on Wilcox homefront.

Our little kitten died. Yes, the second one.

Little Alice died this morning around 4:00a.m. She was semi-lethargic yesterday but not enough that we were that worried about her. She followed me to bed around midnight, and I woke up around 3:00. I don't remember why now. She might've been making noises, or moving around. I helped her off the bed and noticed she'd made a mess on the bed. I took her out of the room and to her littlerbox. I took the dirty blanket off the bed, and found a new one and waited for her to come back to bed with me. A few minutes later, when she didn't return, I went looking for her and found her lying on the bathroom floor panting and whining. I sat there with her just bawling, because she was acting just like our other kitten. Not again was all I could think. I can't watch this again. Nathan called the emergency animal hospital, but she died while he was on the phone. I just cried. Nathan took care of her, cleaned up the cat stuff, and then came to take care of me. He let me cry until I fell asleep in his arms. I am such a lucky girl to have someone who understands me. I love him.

We don't know if the kitten came to us sick from the shelter or if she caught whatever our first kitten had. Either way, I'm not thinking about bringing any animals into this place for awhile.

I miss her tonight.

It's strange how often love and loss are found in the same moment, but I think life is all about accepting that. Give and take. Together and away. Forgive and forget. Love and lose.

I hope Alice is running around chasing endless fish toys, noisy soft balls, and dancing fingers.

Big little news...

2010-09-03T19:18:00.000-06:00

We have BIG news that comes in this little package:

I love her.

She's nameless currently but I know we'll come up with something soon.

If you want something to make you sad, go to the shelter and listen to the little kittens. ~~If I could~~, If Nate would let me, I would take them all home. This little one was my favorite from the beginning.

And now she's mine! :)

Attractive.

2010-09-03T12:43:00.000-06:00

This picture makes me hurt.

Please enjoy as much as I did.

I promise this is the ugliest picture. It's only up from here!

Before the vacation....

2010-09-02T22:18:00.001-06:00

I feel like there are a few things I should blog about before I write about the Disneyworld trip (and I don't have the pictures uploaded yet so what's a vacation post without pictures?).

First off, my dear Dana came to visit a few weeks ago and we had so much fun One particular fun night, we did girls night in Salt Lake City. We stayed at a fancy smancy place, ate at the Melting Pot, walked around Temple Square... loved it. Jerica and Dana are two of my very most favorite girls and I am so happy they let me tag along on a few adventures. I am not sure I've completely lost the weight I gained from all of the food we ate but it.was.so.worth.it. I can't wait until we're all together again. Whenever that will be.

Also while Dana was here she took our family pictures. I am obsessed and I've only seen 50. I wanted to share some with all of you. My family is so cute, if I do say so myself.

We had a blaaaast on our vacation. I am still so worn out and experiencing a little post-vacation-depression but I'm sure I'll bounce out of it soon. Be prepared for a few long posts about D.I.S.N.E.Y.W.O.R.L.D.

Life is full of them...

2010-08-23T22:02:00.001-06:00

A few uPS and Downs from the past few days...

We'll start with the downs.

Our precious little kitty died on Saturday. I woke up at 5 and 8 for her usual feedings and she was sweet and normal. At 12, she was different. She lived until about 3 o'clock. I bawled (which is embarrassing?) but I do believe she's happy in little kitty heaven right now. Which is probably similiar to my heaven.

Summer is basically over. Nate starts school on Wednesday. Kinda depressed about this fact. Where did these past few months go?

And now on to the Ups...

Disneyworld is only a few DAYS away. I can't wait. My next post will probably be all about that. Eeek.

We went to the demolition derby on Saturday and had sooo much fun. We have timed for the event for the past few years and love it. We have the best seats in house... we even get all dirty when a car slides by. This year didn't disappoint. It's a fun end of summer tradition. a fun date night.

I was offered a job here in American Fork at the same place I work now. I don't know if I'll take it. I have options though and that's an up.

I'm watching Alias.. again. I love this show.

And last... this is an up and a down.... I watched the last song last night. I thought it was super cute EXCEPT for Miley. She's just gross.

I think I've covered them.

We are two happy little kids these days.

See you after Florida, my dear blog.

Baby Kitty.

2010-08-18T21:43:00.000-06:00

We have a new little addition to our family...

The other night our neighbors called us over and said they had baby kittens that were born in their backyard in the corner of some prickly overgrown weeds. We went and saw the cute 6 little kittens and left the mom some food and a blanket. The next day Nate checked on them and the mom was gone. When I got home we went over again to see if the mom had come back and they were all gone.

Except for one teeny-tiny kitten.

We took her home and I honestly didn't think she'd live through the night.

But she did.

We are taking it one day at a time. She is 4 days old. She weighs a little over 2 ounces. She easily fits into the palm of my hand. She's fragile but so perfect.

She is eating really well from an eye dropper every three hours. She meows a lot and is the sweetest little snuggler. We are reading a lot and learning a lot to try and take the best care of her.

We haven't named her yet.... Anyone have any great names? I like Billy but my sisters cat's name is Bailey (too close?), I also like Shiloh and Sophie and Rory... Nate likes Shadow. Baby kitty is what we're calling her now.

Job.

2010-08-11T15:13:00.000-06:00

I decided I probably should update on the job situation.

First:

I have been EXTREMELY blessed to work at this little place. I have learned so much. I have grown so much. I was sheltered from some situations because I had this place as a buffer. I will miss my friends. I will miss my little desk. I will miss my less-comfortable-than-everyone-else's-chair. I will miss all the part numbers and being good at what I do.

BUT:

I am looking FORWARD and things are looking up.

I will find another job. We will be okay dokay.

We aren't planning on moving.

If anyone knows of any jobs that needs a little blonde girl on November 1st. Let me know... I just might know someone! :)

Until then, i'll be working crazy hours.... counting down the days... enjoying the last few moments of what I've known for 6 years!

PS. tonight! family pictures! so excited.
PSS. Dana is here! I love her. I might keep her here FOREVER.

Changing.

2010-08-02T19:53:00.002-06:00

Hmmm.

Things change.

That's life, right?

Today was an interesting day... and by interesting, I mean awful.

We found out that my job (as well as most of the others in my company) are being moved up to Washington (the head quarters of FLUKE).

Hmmmm.

It some ways it's exciting. We move? Get another job? Something different. Something new. I often complain about that place and truthfully, I think I would be happier somewhere else.

In other ways, it's terrifying. This has been the past 6+ years of my life. I'm good at my job. I am comfortable there.  I make more money than I could somewhere else...  OR we have a lot of friends, all of my family that is here in Utah (not to mention a house!).. what would we do in Washington?

The next few weeks/months look to be interesting.  There will proably be a lot of traveling (to help with the move if I stay or go). A lot of extra hours of finalizing things. A lot of actions plans/ countermeasures that will be super hard to find the motivation for. A lot of upset people that will be SUPER fun to work with. Etc etc.

So October 29th, our world will change.

Tonight, I'm eating cookie dough and watching bachelorette... tomorrow, i'll think more about it all.

Happily, no matter what... Nate's on my side.   Scary things are so much easier with that cute boy around.

(this is my worried face, and my cute boy)

Exciting news!

2010-08-02T10:23:00.001-06:00

I have been waiting to announce this until we were really sure...

And I think it's finally safe to say it...

We are SO excited, this has been something we have wanted for awhile now but weren't sure if it would be possible....

..
.
****
..
...
**
**
.
****
..

**
....
........
***
^^^^^^
^^^^

My sisters, mom, and I are going to Disneyworld THIS month.

It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt...

2010-07-26T10:31:00.002-06:00

I like funny injury stories.. and cool bruises.

Last Sunday My brother Ryan, his wife Katie, Nate, and me were playing dodgeball in my parent's basement (yes, really) with some play balls that should be used in a little baby's pool. Nate and I were hiding on different sides of my parent's couches and taking turns throwing things at each other. My parent's have a table behind their couch and on it are a few pretty lamps, a bunch of pictures, and a statue of an elk. You are probably now seeing where this is going....

On one particularly heated throw, I was leaning over the couch and the elk to hit Nathan who was crouched behind the table... and I smacked my arm on the antlers. Yeee-ouch. Nathan took the oppurtunity to hit me with a few balls until he realized I was injured.

My arm turned some fun colors for a few days and I think I'll have a decent scar...

Put the elk away before playing dodgeball. Lesson learned.

(PS. I found taking picture of your inner arm is quite awkward.. This really was the best one.)

I have to believe.

2010-07-21T15:25:00.015-06:00

I have to believe that people are meant to heal.

I have to believe that forgiveness is real.

I have to believe that the truth comes out in the end.

I have to believe that hearts that were given up on can mend.

I have to believe that wasted years can be made up by finally living.

I have to believe that all of the taking can be corrected by giving.

I have to believe that given the chance, I'd do everything differently.

I have to believe that sometimes it's impossible for people to let go gently.

I have to believe that a clean heart will overcome all doubt.

I have to believe that taking chances is what life is all about.

I have to believe that they would’ve been here if they’d known.

I have to believe that I healed because I was never truly alone.

I have to believe that eventually the darkness will fade.

I have to believe that it's normal to feel so afraid.

I have to believe that part of my beauty is found in my flaws.

I have to believe that who I am now matters more than who I was.

~Jennifer

(Author's note: I wrote this ages ago and found it on my computer the other day and added and deleted a few lines and thought I'd share... I remember many times in my life where I would look in the mirror and say to myself, "I have to believe.... because no one can believe for me." And this poem came from that.)

P.A.X.M.A.N.

2010-07-19T15:17:00.000-06:00

This past weekend we went to the PAXMAN family reunion and had a lot of fun.

We hung out in the FREEZING cold water, played a few outdoor games, had a mini-water fight, roasted in the hot sun, watched a life flight land and take a boy who fell skateboarding, and enjoyed being a Paxman.

I am so grateful for my family. It never fails to amaze me how lucky I am to have them, all of them. The Paxman’s, Frisby’s, and Wilcox’s. I am one lucky duck to be surrounded by so many awesome people.

Hope your weekend was as happy as mine.

Cheese.

2010-07-16T15:57:00.003-06:00

Oh my. I found this doozie of a picture today. A few months ago we had work pictures taken... it brought me back to the awful days of school pictures: The few awkward years before braces, the TERRIBLE braces years, the awful hair, awful make up... I hope those pictures stay buried at my parent's house FOREVER.

:)

happy friday friends.

Forward.

2010-07-12T17:52:00.004-06:00

I need to look forward. I am one of those people that gets really bogged down if I only think about the day-to-day aspect of my life. I feel so much better about coming to work when I know I have vacation right around the corner, and I try really hard to think about that vacation. I can get sad for absolutely no reason when I don't focus on the happy things that are coming up...

So lately, I have been in this meh mood and when I got to work this morning I decided two things:

1. Mondays suck.
2. I need some things to look forward to.

And viola! I was instantly happier thinking about a few upcoming events and thought I'd share my excitement: (Not in any order).

**Mrs. Dana Goodrich is coming to visit. I don't care that she'll only be here for a few days. I don't care that she has all this family down here that she'll spend time with. I don't care that I talk to her almost every day. She's coming here! Dana is quite possibly the most amazing person I know. Her husband is Nate's best friend (Also one of the coolest people we know... Wes is deployed in Afghanistan right now.) Dana is such a good example of how to be a bold, happy, understanding, beautiful person. Even on Dana's bad days, she's better than most. Her blog is also one of my favorite things to read. If you want to gain an unhealthly love and jealousy for someone go here: Dana's blog.

**Nathan's birthday. I don't care that it's on a Tuesday and he isn't too excited about it. I don't care that we have nothing planned. It's my Nathan's birthday and it's definitely something to look forward to.

**Altamont Days. Since we have been married, Nate and I have always gone down to Altamont on the 24th. This year, Nate has to work but we're still going to make a trip out there. We miss Altamont when we don't get to go there. It's very much a home to us. An extra bonus about Altamont days this year: Nate's sisters Kacey and Kristen and all their little kids will be there. We can't wait.

**August. Lagoon Day, Family pictures, Julie off of work, more swimming, more playing, more enjoying summer.

**December. Is it too soon to be excited for December? I'm thinking definitely not.

This made me feel so much better. What a happy day when you have to stop writing all of the things you're looking forward to because it was getting too long. :)

Campin.

2010-07-09T10:24:00.001-06:00

This past weekend I went to the moutain with my mom, dad, uncle, aunt, nephew, and sister... and had tons of fun. Nate had to work all weekend so I decided what the heck, and packed off for a Friday night/ Saturday in the wilderness. We had way too much fun.

My parents have a RAZOR (a pretty sweet 4-wheeler), and we spent lots of time driving that around. We went on quite a few adventures with Jack. We went fishing. Julie and I got eaten alive by mosquitios. We found a little frog, dead turkey, dead dear skull. We road-tripped-it, listening to plenty of girly songs and talking about girly things. Enjoyed being together.

I love my family and camping and can't wait until we can go and everyone can come along.

Here's a few picture from the excurisoin:

Golf vs. Jenny.

2010-06-29T16:48:00.004-06:00

Please say a little prayer that my husband decides to come to this:

(Yes, this picture is the first sad-face picture I could find on my computer at work. Yes, this picture is taken when I had the same color of hair as my walls. Yes, that was before Nathan even came home. Thanks everyone for telling me that it wasn't cute).

and not stay here:

(Yes, Nathan is on a beautiful golf trip with some friends. Yes, this is taken from a cell phone and it's still beautiful. Yes, I am at work and he is sending me pictures like this. Yes, I do still love him.)

Please and thank you.

Do you come here often?

2010-06-24T10:26:00.002-06:00

Yesterday morning, I skipped work and helped out at the Cedar Hills Golf Course Tournament. Nate and his team took 3rd (yay). I sat at a lovely Par 3 and tried to sell some golf balls and a chance for a season pass.... but mostly I just got some awful suntan lines (My upper arms and knees, so red, so not cute) and heard some awful pick up lines. They made me giggle too much not to share:

You've got nice clubs. (And I didn't have any golf clubs on my cart? Are legs clubs..? For some reason, that doesn't sound very "nice".) I was very happy later to learn they worked at the golf course with Nate and were super embarassed when I told them who I was.

Are you offering what Tiger Woods gets? (Sadly, no.. I'm not a hooker. But thanks.)

Hey, little lady, there's room right here for you to come along. (Thanks but that space between you two drunk, old men does not sound that appealing for some reason.)

This Par 5 will never be the same without you here. (Thanks, It's Hole 5, a Par 3. But that's sweet of you.)

Oh and there were too many more funny things. I might just have to quit my job and hang out on the golf course because that morning has loaded me up with plenty of things to laugh about.

Now, I just need to get rid of those tan lines.

Sunshine.

2010-06-21T18:22:00.002-06:00

I was THIS close to promising not to change my blog around and then... this design template thingy came along and I'm loving it. Now I promise to change my blog every few days. :) Oh boy.
I don't have much to report... except I'm loving summer.

Summer at the Wilcox household means:

* GOLF. Lots and lots of golf.
* Driving with the windows down, singing, and dancing.
* Softball every Monday.
* Swimming parties with the nieces and nephews.
* Camping trips with the family.
* Vacations from work.
* Jenny wanting to re-do everything in our house (or just do).
* Friends coming to visit.
* Movie nights with the patio door open.
* Tennis.
* Shorts and swimsuits... a reason to finally need the gym pass.
* Walking to Macey's for soda and treats.
...And so so much more.

Summertime might just give Christmas a run for its money this year. :) This could be the most wonderful time of the year.

Shoes.

2010-06-09T10:09:00.002-06:00

Nate and I reorganized our closet the other night and I took my shoes out and decided one thing...

I really need some red and green shoes. :)

After I took this picture, Nate looked and me and said, "You're really weird." ha ha.

Happy Anniversary!

2010-06-08T10:21:00.002-06:00

Hm. A few weeks ago (May 30th), Nate and I celebrated our 2 YEAR anniversary. Holy moly. I'm not one to get too emotional about happy things. I cry all the time about everything else.... but happy things, not so much. But for some reason, this anniversary made me emotional. Maybe it's the fact that we were celebrating us after all the away time this year. In someways, it made this day mean more because it was a day to celebrate how happy we are to be together. I am SO happy he's home and mine.

I am SO grateful that I married Nathan on that beautiful May day. I still remember the butterflies... the peace... the pure happiness. I love love love love him. I am so lucky.

We had a pretty low-key anniversary day and I didn't mind it. We went mini-golfing the night before and counted that as our celebration. The best part of the day? When Nate put his hands on my face and said, "Jenny, I'm so happy you married me." Melt.

Happy 2 years to us... can't wait for what year 3 brings.

Weekend is my favorite word.

2010-05-24T21:33:00.004-06:00

We had a LOVELY weekend. First, it was a three day weekend which was GREAT (especially because this weekend is a three day weekend as well!). Friday we went to our friends Tanner and Danielle's wedding. It was beautiful. Congrats you two. We are so happy for you. Afterwards we watched Fantastic Mr. Fox with the Wilson's. Saturday we went to Nate's battle handle off. He got promoted (yay) and is now a part of the 142nd MI BTL. I haven't seen him in his ACU's since he came home and I think he is so ~~cute~~ MANLY in them. After that we went to a wedding luncheon of more friends at Tucano's (yummy). Later that night we went to Cold Stone's and the Comedy club. So fun. Only four more days until another weekend. This one should be lots of fun too: Mary's graduation, Kristen & family coming down, 2-year anniversary, and Memorial day. Happy week friends.

Sea lions, and Tiger Sharks, and Big Fish.. Oh my!

2010-05-19T22:18:00.003-06:00

Today my mom, Julie (sister) and Jack (nephew) took a little trip to the AQUARIUM in Sandy. Um, I loved it. There were itty bitty sea horses, hyper-active penguins, amazing jelly fish, weird (but so neat) fishes, smooth sting rays and so so so much more. I was in Heaven. I want to move in... there or a zoo... I'm not sure I'll be able to convince Nathan but I will keep trying. :) Enjoy the pictures from our adventure. It's almost Thursday, I love Thursday's.

Disneyland!

2010-05-11T17:44:00.005-06:00

If it wasn't obvious already, I'll just make it absolutely clear... I LOVE DISNEYLAND/WORLD. There's something so so so magical about going on a vacation where no one cares how old you are... no one cares how old you're acting... a place to be REALLY REALLY happy.
Some of my very favorite memories of my sisters and mom take place in Disney and I was super excited to go with Nathan and include him in my happy place.

We drove Thursday night and came home Monday night. It was the perfect little get away. Nathan isn't one for crowds and lines and waking up early but he was so sweet to go with me on my favorite vacation and I think he even had fun... maybe.

Thanks Devin and Missy for putting up with us for a few days. We love you guys.

WARNING PICTURE OVERLOAD and there are so many more. I will probably consolidate this later but wanted to post it tonight!

Time slows down when you're having fun.

2010-05-05T16:54:00.005-06:00

A friend stopped by work today and asked if my husband was home yet... and I realized that he's been home exactly a month. ONE month.

That's probably not as weird for you as it is for me... but it feels like he's been home for so long.

I think I've done more in the past 4 weeks than I did in the 23 weeks he was gone.

I'm feeling extra blessed today to have him here. (And by here I mean... Jenny working from 8-6, Nate working from 4-9 and then basketball from 9-11 and Jenny barely coherent awake when he comes home... ha ha... Anyone have a million bucks to lend me so I can do nothing with my husband all day?)

We had way too much fun at Disneyland and I'm waiting to steal the pictures from Missy, Lisa, and Julie's cameras before I blog about it (because they have more pictures of us than I do). I'm sad to be back to the unhappiest place on earth... but excited for our next adventure... whatever that may be. Here's a sneak...

Yes, you would be right in assuming 99% of our pictures this is the face he is making. Depsite that, I think he might've had a little bit of fun.

TWENTY. TWO.

2010-04-27T18:00:00.001-06:00

I thought that with me just turning 22... it'd be fun to write 22 things you might not know about me.

1. I have never broken any bones. I'm a cautious one.

2. My coolest scar is on the inside of my top lip. I fell when I was 16 and hit a cinderblock corner .... Ouchies.

3. I was German student of the year 2 times in Highschool.

4. I have super short thumbs.

5. I have a rather large bump on the back of my neck... I don't know

6. I'm really afraid of escalators. Not kidding.

7. I have thousands of part numbers memorized... and where they're located in our building... and who we purchase them from... and where they're used... and who I can get mad at when something is wrong with them.

8. Going along with that one, I have worked at the same place since I was 16.

9. I once swatted at a fly with my stapler and the stapler won. Poor pinky. So funny.

10. There is a topless picture of myself in my senior yearbook that covers an ENTIRE page. NO JOKE.

11. I was a momma's girl for years and years and years.

12. I don't like strawberries.

13. I have a dent in the top of my mouth from a fun little operation to get braces. So depressing those years were.

14. My favorite word is giggle. Least favorite: Drawer. You're welcome for ruining that word for you.

15. My closest friends have a "J" at the beginning of their names. We started a club. You can be an honorary J club member... we've had a few of those over the years. (Jessica H, Jessica M, Johanna H, Juliana P).

16. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this one before: I have some pretty decent EXCEL skills. My vlookup skills would amaze you.

17. My most played ITUNES song (at work) is Heartless by the Fray. So good.

18. I had to ask Nathan how old I was turning before this birthday.

19. I would LOVE to write a book. I don't know what about... or when I'd find the time... but I'd love it. Part of me wants to copy and paste my journal.. I would call it "WHAT NOT TO DO." :)

20. I lost feeling in my chin and lip (right side) after I got my wisdom teeth out... It still feels like when you're un-numbing after a trip to the dentist and it hurts to sqeeze. So fun.

21. I was in the NEW ERA when I was 12 (my sister was on the cover) and I was wearing overalls and a bright pink beanie with a turtle on it. SO awkward.

22. When I was growing up (and by that I mean until I got married) I said my middle name was Jason. As in Jennifer Jason Paxman. I bet there are still quite a few people out there who believe that was my real name.

Well that was fun. Happy Tuesday Friends. Disneyland in two days, um... yes.

It's my birthday... and I'll work if I want to.

2010-04-23T12:50:00.001-06:00

Don't hate me.

I've been busy. Which is lame. I know. I'm making up for it now with this blog post. Maybe.
What you've missed: I turned twenty two on Sunday. I told Nathan I wasn’t so sure about this 22 year old thing… and he reminded me that to be 23 (which is my FAVORITE number) you need to turn 22. So bring it on 22. I don't know what this year has in store for me... and I can't wait.

My birthday was kind of just a regular day... and that's fine with me. I went to Stake Conference in the morning and it was wonderful (I will blog more about that later) then I worked which wasn't so wonderful... and then I hung out with my cute husband and fun family. :) I loved it. I got a cute little picture thingy framed and a nice new pasta pot from my mom and dad. And some clothes and shoes from my Nathan. I feel very blessed to have the people I have in my life. Thanks for all the birthday wishes... they worked! I had a very happy day. Here's some pictures:

I look tired in these pictures. I was tired. I am tired. I have been working like a crazy person the past little while. The 10th-18th, I worked almost 70hours. I'm feeling very burnt out and I CAN'T wait for this weekend. It's my first weekend since Nate has been home that I don't have to work! We're going to the Jazz game tonight with some friends and my brother and then tomorrow we're off to Altamont. I can't wait to relax and enjoy the little things. I WILL BE IN DISNEYLAND IN ONE WEEK too and I AM GETTING SO SUPER EXCITED. :D
I am LOVING having him home. I still wake up sometimes and don't want to open my eyes in fear that he's not going to be there when I roll over. I'm LOVING hanging out with all of our friends. LOVING riding in the car. LOVING laughing and laughing. LOVING LOVING LOVING him.

Ordinary.

2010-04-10T23:35:00.007-06:00

Nathan made it home Monday. It was a crazy day. Looking back now, it is a blur. I remember working. Writing lots of little sticky notes with excited rambles on them to my sister (thanks for putting up with me Lisa) and then I could finally leave... and then I went home... put the finishing touches on myself and our home... and headed off in the blizzard to the airport. At some points during the day, I would squeal because it was real but most of the day I felt fuzzy. Driving to the airport... didn't feel real. The stupid snow made me focus on the roads. When I got to the airport and walked inside, I still wasn't sure if I could just be excited. His plane landed about 30 minutes later, and then 40 minutes after that he was getting off his plane, three minutes later he was walking down the stairs, 5 seconds later he was in my arms... and he was REAL. We kissed and hugged and cried (mostly me) and smiled and laughed and snuggled and then headed home.

The first picture we took together... outside of our home.

Snow. Two thumbs down.

The rest of the week has been surprsingly ordinary. It shocked me how quickly it became completely normal that he was here. One second it was still so surreal that he was here, and the next it was completley normal. I have decided that it's because he belongs here. It was wrong without him, and now everything is where it should be. I worried over nothing. He's home and we're happy.

I missed being in the passenger seat.

Jazz Game. SO SO SO much fun.

I'm sorry for the lack of pictures, and stories. Sadly, I've had to work a lot of extra hours but things should slow down after this week... and we have a few fun things planned. My birthday is next weekend and we'll think of something fun and exciting to do then... And then Disneyland. :) Then we are seriously debating going to Germany to visit our favorite friends Dana and Weston. If anyone has a couple thousand dollars to loan us, that'd be so great. :)

A few pictures from our adventures tonight:

I kinda love this picture. It's almost summer time!

Oh Ella missed Nate.

And finally... Nate is back to teach Jack wonderful tricks.

Well, I'm off to sleep after Nathan gets done with Call of Duty. Like I said, life is back to normal.

Eeeeeek!

2010-04-04T21:34:00.006-06:00

In 24 HOURS, I will be with him.

Probably smuthering him with kisses.

Or pitching him to make sure he's real. (Yes I pitch him, not me)

Because right now.. I'm afraid I'll go to sleep tonight and wake up in the morning and the whole TOMORROW thing will be a dream. If it is, it's the best dream I've ever had.

I work all day tomorrow and then I will come home, shower, get cute, and go to the airport. My plan is to get there super duper early and sit (more like pace) anxiously... I am fully prepared for the tears that will be streaming down my face the second I see his. My heart will be pounding so loud trying to describe what my words can't, how it feels to have him home. In my arms.

I'm proud of the decision we made. I'm proud of the months we spent a part. Proud of the things we've learned. I'm proud to be his.... and so proud he is mine.

Under Construction

2010-04-01T15:16:00.004-06:00

As Nate and I go through a lot changes... As in, we'll actually be together!

I decided so should my blog...

Please ignore its appearance for the next 24/48 hours...

After then, it will be beautiful.

By the way... I love Aprils fools day.

I'm a big fan of saying things and taking them back.

Coming home!

2010-03-30T23:27:00.002-06:00

I don't really know what to write about tonight! Which is probably really weird considering what is FIVE days away....NATHAN.

My mind is in 100 places.

I don't know where the time has gone. It will be 6 months almost to the day that I dropped him in off in Salt Lake and felt like my life was ending... and it went by so fast. Part of me feels guilty about that. What did I do the past few months? The truth is, I got in to a routine that worked. I spend a lot of time at good ol' Hart Scientific. A lot of time reading. A lot of time writing. A lot of time watching TV shows. A lot of time organizing our house. A lot of time just trying to pass the time.

I am different person than I was 6 months ago. I know what it feels like to truly miss a part of yourself. I know what it's like to get so overly sensitive about people not understanding, and also coming to terms with the fact that it's a good thing they've never felt the way you do. I know what it feels like to be completely happy when you see his face after months. I soon will know what it feels like for him to come home.

Things I cannot wait for:

*Monday night at 9:00p.m. SLC airport. Eeeek.
*Sleeping in the same bed. I could cry about how excited I am to not have a half empty bed.
*Getting back to normal life. I am semi-grateful for the fact that I HAVE to go to work the next few weeks. I don't know at what point I'd ever feel like I caught up on all the kisses, snuggles, and time together we missed. But how crazy nice it will be to come home to HIM instead of my empty house. :) :) :) wow.
*Laugh with Nathan and see him laugh without the computer delay. :)
*To hang out with all of my family back together/and to go back to Altamont. It'll be nice to be all together.
*To know he's doing okay... to not worry about his feet so much... and to make sure he's eating okay... and for him to catch up on sleep... and for him to be happy... hm.

This list could go on forever... but I should sleep.

Just know, I am happy. Anxious. Worried. Excited. Freaking out. Crazy about Nathan.

Nathan is cleaning, packing up, organizing, turning in gear... and so excited to be done and home.

A few PS's: There will be a new Twilight book... heehee... Eeek... It's called the Short Second Life of Bree Tanner...comes out June 5th... very excited... (Bree is the vampire that dies in the clearing) and Ella and Rylee celebrated birthdays. It was fun to get together and see everyone. Love those little girls so much. Favorite song of the moment: I never told you, Colbie Calliat. My ear infection is going away (yay!). And I went to a Jazz game with my work yesterday, super fun... and we sat 3 booths away from the Prophet! Very cool!

Happy.

2010-03-19T22:58:00.007-06:00

My love love love Dana tagged me in her "10 things that make me happy" post and so now I must write ten things... :) I don't want to repeat myself (IE the millions of thankfuls I did a few months back) so if you are noticeably missing from this list and you make me happy... you're probably on the November posts.... (Jump to number 8 if you just want an update on Nate and me).

1. When I find two words that rhyme perfectly. Or two phrases. Sometimes I squeal in pure happiness when a rhyme comes to my head. I don't write as much as I used to. I'm not a happy writer... and since little Nathan walked in to my world, I've been a happy person. But there are still a few little things that get put together and I still think of some pretty lovely rhymes and they make me pretty happy.

2. Rain. I think it's so romantic. I love the sound of it on my car. I love love love the feeling of it on my face. I love warm rain. Quiet rain. Along with rain, I really like lightning and thunder. I used to not feel this way but there's something so great about a beautiful storm. I don't like wind though. I don't like the whistle noise and the way it hurts your face and contact covered eyes. Rain = wonderful. Wind = not.

3. What little kids say. I love kids. I love my nephews and nieces. I love my friend's babies. I love commercials with kids. I love funny videos involving children. One of the top things that makes me the happiest is what they say... an example that simply melted my heart is: A few weeks ago, I brought my lap top over and my family skyped with Nathan. Jack was really cute about saying hi and talking to him. (He loves Nate, and Nate loves him). He randomly walked over to the camera and said "Nate, Remember the girls?" First: soo cute that he calls my sisters and me the girls.. And how cute it was that he wanted Nate to remember the girls. Kids say the darndest cutest things. I am pretty sure when I have my children (which won't be anytime soon, no pregnancy rumors need to be started) I will laugh uncontrollably sometimes at the things that come out of their mouths.

4. Nate's pet names for me. Nate calls me B and H. He says the stand for babe and hunnie... but if you use your imagination you can think of a few other words they could stand for. I laugh so much every time he says; "Thanks B." and I probably shouldn't because it's encouraging him. It is funny and I sure do love him. He does have plenty of sweet names that he calls me, don't worry.

5. Learning new things/finding new hobbies. This is surprising because of the new things I've learned lately and how happy they make me. I am getting pretty darn good at Excel. My vlookup skills would impress you, I'm pretty sure. I also went rock climbing and it was one of the best nights I've had in awhile. Something about being soo sore and soo tired but still wanting to climb up a wall makes a person happy. It was also fun for Lisa and me to learn how to belay by ourselves and to be in charge of each other's lives! :)

6. Easter candy. Enough said.

7. Cardigans. They have been my new fashion must-have. I am seriously loving them these days. I worry that it will be 100 degrees outside and I will still have my cardigan on... that's how much I'm loving them.

8. NATHAN COMES HOME IN TWO WEEKS. EEEEEeeeeEEEEEEeeek. I can't believe it. He is off on FTX this week (field training x-no idea) and won't be able to talk all week. It's hard when the amount of time we have to talk to each other changes... in basic, we got used to 20 minutes once a week. During AIT, we have a few hours to text and usually a twenty minute phone call in the morning. It's hard to go back to no contact even for a short amount of time. BUT I’m not complaining because we have to go through this week, to get to next week... and then to APRIL 5TH. We don't have a lot of plans as of right now for when he comes home. We're going to Disneyland April 30th through May 3rd. My birthday is the 18th and we'll do something fun for that. Besides that, Jenny will be working... I have SO much work to do in April and I am beyond stressed by that but he'll be home and life can return to normal. Nate will go back to work at the Golf course sometime in April. I think it'll be so weird to not have a deadline to our happiness. I think as a military wife, you're always waiting for some day to come (whether it is good or bad) and we don't know the next day he'll be gone and for some reason, that makes me really happy.

9. I am a TV watcher. I am. When I'm cleaning up around my house, the TV is on. When I'm making dinner for one, my TV is on. I know, I'm losing years but I don't like the quiet. My favorite TV show lately is BONES. I am constantly giggling to myself... I laugh at Bones so much and text Julie my most favorite lines just so I'm not completely pathetic.

10. The characters on text messaging or IM. Nate and I carry on whole conversations without using words. My favorite character is the eye-rolling one on MSN messenger or the sick one on our blackberries. I LOVE waking up to a smiley face kissing me and laugh out loud when I get some angry face when I say I forgot to get the mail today... ha ah.

Weekend at FLW

2010-03-15T21:06:00.011-06:00

I flew out to Missouri Friday night. I got to the USO around 10:00pm... and I was stunned at the amount of people there. The last few times I've gone to the USO, there's been 20 people there or less... and this time there was at least 100. Holy moly. There are only about 20 beds and 10 recliners in dark/quiet areas and they were all taken by the time I was there. Needless to say, there wasn't much sleeping going on Friday night and when I finally decided to hit the road the next morning around 7:00, i was still super sleepy but excited to see Nate.

Driving to Fort Leonardwood isn't that great. It's kind of a boring drive and I'm not really one who loves to drive alone... but I try and make the best of the ride. I decided to wear my retainer because I didn't the night before and I was amazed at how often "s" sounds come up in songs. "I saw the sign" was especially hilarious to me as I was singing loudly to it. :) "I sssssaw the sssssign and it opened up my eyesss..."

I made it eventually and found out I couldn't see Nate until 1:00ish... so I went to check in to my room so I could get some shut eye and get ready... and my room wasn't ready. Oh well. I sat in my car for hours. Ha ha. I took a bunch of pictures... talked to Nate... got ready... and then it was time to see him! I drove to his place and sat outside and waited and waited. I don't know if I will ever be able to explain how happy you feel when you see your man walking towards you after waiting so long. :) So fun. Saturday we went to a neat museum. It's fun to listen to Nate talk about all of the things he's learned. We hung out with his friends for a little while... went to Alice and Wonderland... went to dinner... it was lots of fun. I just really love being with him. He had to be back around 9:00 and I went back to my dungeon (scary place this time!) and slept and slept.

Sunday morning came way too early but I would wake up at any time to see him. We went and grabbed breakfast then went back to my room and just hung out. It's so nice to do nothing. We caught up on our Office & Community TV shows. Napped. After that we went and got Nate's hair cut... had dinner... went for a drive around FLW... it was great. It's great to do nothing with him. I love just being able to talk to him and feel him next to me. Hm. Then he had to be back and we said goodbye for the last time until he comes HOME. :)

The drive back to the airport was much the same. Rain. Sadness. Giggling and how happy this weekend was. Singing. I like having to drive back because I have to stay focused. I can't just start crying my eyes out... because I have to be safe and drive. Sometimes super sad songs come on and I find myself getting distracting with lonely thoughts but quickly I push them away... Both times I've rented a car, the second I get in to the shuttle that takes me back to the airport... I cry. I try not to cry for a long time. Just enough to get it out and get on with it.

I did end up getting a bed last night at the USO and slept wonderfully. 6:00a.m. came way too early (with daylight savings AND the time change.. zero fun) but I made it on my plane and I survived the whole work day. Now it's 9:30p.m. and i'm ready for bed!

Tomorrow I have been challenged to write about 10 things that make me happy by my love Dana... so I will get on that asap....

26 Days.

2010-03-08T21:31:00.005-07:00

I've found myself wanting to quantify how hard these past few months have been... like somehow it would make all the difference if there was some magic way to make others understand.

I think the trick is to just accept that it's different for everyone.

Nate will be home in 26 days. I can't even believe that number is REAL. He's been gone for 142 days. That's longer than some women will ever go without her husband... and sooo much less than some women have to. For me, these past 142 days have flown by... and went so slow all at the same time. There were days that lasted longer than some weeks.. Tonight will be the 142nd night I climb into bed alone, and tomorrow will be the 143d day I wake up without him. There were countless nights that I woke up and was so confused that he wasn't there and then devistated when I remembered... There were days that I grew closer to my family and friends... and learned to appreciate Nathan so much. Sometimes, it's the lack of something that shows you how completely it wrapped around everything in your life. I missed my best friend every.single.second... and I can't wait for him to be here again. For no matter how long that is. I worry these next 26 days will be the slowest yet but if they continue to pass, I won't complain... I will say, that I'm not waiting patiently. :)

I don't really have an update on anything. I'm doing okay. I've had a rough few weeks... but I am looking forward and things are looking up. My sisters just moved 1.5 minutes drive away from me and I'm already loving it. I'm really happy for them and hope they don't get sick of me visiting all the time!

Nate is doing well. He's just ready to be home... He passed his Hazmat test (which is a big deal) and I'm super proud of him. He's been able to golf the past few weekends and that has done wonders for his happiness. I'm not taking it personally. :)

I get to visit him this weekend and part of me is so excited to see him and part of me just wants it to be over and him to come home... but I really can't wait to see him.... :)

Lost and Found.

2010-02-25T17:04:00.010-07:00

To my missing driver's license,

Thanks for walking out on me at the worst. time. ever. I will never forgive you and hope that I never see you again. You have officially been replaced!

To my missing mail keys,

That was REALLY clever of you to hide in the exact place you should be. I'm sorry for overracting and ordering new ones. I'm sorry. I should've been patient. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with you now. This was my fault. I hope you find a happy life wherever it is you end up after you take the big trip in the garbage can.

To my missing (but found now) debit card,
Thank you for returning! I promise to never leave you in my back pocket again. I know that I suffocate you. I promise to take better care of you. I promise. Please stay around. I don't know what I'd do with you.

To my missing work jeans,

I have no idea how we got so far apart. How could I lose you? I really miss you. This whole place misses you. Sometimes I sit on my bed in the morning and just pray that you would magically appear and we could go and face the day together. We did that. You can't deny it. No matter what, you were there for me. How can you be gone?

To my missing glasses,

PLEASE come back. I know it's been awhile since you've seen my face but I miss you, okay. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss how easy it was between us. I haven't given up hope. The thing that is in your place now is no where near as good as you were. Please come back. Please come back. We were good together.

To my flighty work key,

It gets embarrassing to always be missing you. I have to turn to others for help when you're not around and it's getting old. Please just hang out, in plain sight, so we don't have this problem. I need you to be more available.

To my favorite brown flats,

We've been together for awhile, and sure, we've both seen better days... but I miss you now. I think about you when I'm going out for the night. I think about you when I want to go and grab some lunch. I think about you when I put on those uncomfortable brown boots. Please come back, make both of our lives easier.

To the missing blue envelope,

I don't where you are... but if you could just find my husband that would be so nice of you. I know we weren't close but the papers inside of you are very dear to my heart. I worry about the words that I wrote that haven't reached him yet. I worry that they never will. Please come back to me or end up with him. Please.

To all of my things,

I'm not normally this scatter-brained, you know this. I promise to settle down and pay more attention. Think about you more. Please just make it through with me. It really gets me down when you take your turns hiding from me.

~Love me.

Ha ha.

Currently.

2010-02-22T12:00:00.002-07:00

Things that are currently making me happy:

Nate comes home one day early. April 5th. :)
Waking up every morning at 6 to talk to my husband. It's the perfect way to start the day.

We're going to DISNEYLAND! We're going with our friend's Devin and Missy at the end of April and we CAN'T wait!

I'm going to visit Nate again on March 12th.

He comes home in 6 weeks. :D :D :D :D :D :D That seems like nothing. HOLY MOLY. How funny that at the beginning of all of this 6 weeks away from him would've seemed like forever.

We have a new nephew!!! Yay!! Congrats on the new Lamb, Kristen, Steven, Brandon, Preslee, and Cecilia! We can't wait to meet Dagen and see you all!

Our taxes are done! Yay! And we don't have to pay! Even more yay!

Snout out!!!

Banana Republic is having 40% Wednesdays in March. Stoked.

There are blinds and a new comforter in our guest bedroom. Now I just need guests! :)

Easter candy. My favorite quote from the movie Valentine's Day was, "My best friend CANDY is always there for me." I am a huge candy person... probably not a good thing to brag about... but it's the truth.

Things that are currently making me rather sad:

Nate is still far away.

One word: ORACLE More than one word: My company is changing computer systems in the middle of April. There is soooooo much extra work involved in this transition and it is slowly killing me. :) That sounds dramatic, because it is. Right when Nate gets home, I have so many projects due that will require long hours and ugh. I am already so sad about that.

Dana lives in Germany and we're both going to be alone for the next little... so not fair.

Going along with that, I really really REALLY want to go and visit Dana and Wes in Germany but there are sooo many things that are making that so difficult. :( Truthfully, it will probably take quitting my job to be able to see them... and I'm still considering it.

My leg is asleep after sitting on it during my two. hour. long. conference. call. that. I. need. to. get. used. to. but. refuse. to. because. they. are. such. a. waste. of. time.

Grocery shopping. I went grocery shopping last week and survived... but I forgot ham! That's my biggest source of protien and therefore I need to go back... I actually enjoyed grocery shopping when Nate was home... but there's something about walking around Macey's, picking up 1/3 the amount of food that screams: you're alone. I think I've blogged about that before. But it's still true. and I'm still sad about it. :)

Bad dreams. I woke up last night around 4:30 and couldn't go back to sleep. I don't remember my dream but I just was too nervous at every little creak in my house. I miss him being here when that happens. Okay, I just miss him being here when anything happens.

Things you should know: (neither happy or sad)

I'm not pregnant, and we don't plan on being anytime soon.

I am going back to school.......... ugh. That makes me sad at times and sometimes happy. I stress when I think about what I want to do... Nate and I both stress about that. I have about 3 solid semesters that I need to finish to get my Associates. I am happy to go back and learn again and do something besides work... but right now, more so sad.

I am in need of another book. Suggestions? Nothing too sad or scary as I am alone and get sad and scared easily. :)

Valentine's Weekend

2010-02-16T12:59:00.008-07:00

Hm. We had a FANTASTIC weekend. I think I giggled more in the 18 hours that I had with Nate than I have the entire time he's been gone. I love him. I am so lucky to have him. Crazy that it was our 3rd Valentine's together.

The weekend went like this:

Friday.... I got to the airport waited in the security line for over an hour (ugh) and got to my gate with plenty of time to spare. As I'm waiting, I'm noticing that there is quite a few people waiting in my area... too many for one plane. THEN the announcement: This flight is overbooked due to a cancellation of an earlier flight. If your plans are flexible, we are offering a 400$ voucher if you'll take a later flight on Saturday. After talking to Nate... and deciding between a few hours on Saturday vs. a whole other weekend... we went with the 400$.... so my sister came back and picked me up... my bag went to St. Louis and I went home.

Saturday... I went to the airport... got on my plane... arrived in Missouri around 6:00p.m. (a half hour late). I waited in a line for 30 minutes hoping and praying my bag was there (and annoyed that I was waiting in line for my bag)... and it was! Then I went to the car rental place... Well let me back up... If I got to FLW before 9:30, I could see Nate. It's about a two hour drive from the airport... so there's no way I wouldn't make it? right? ugh. So I am waiting in line for my car rental and I finally get there and I pass them my temporary license (because my old one walked away) and he says, "Oh.. I can't use this." and I kindly say, "Well whomever I talked to over the phone said it should be no problem." and he said, "I'm sorry, we can't use it." To make a long story short... I finally found a car company that would take it and by the time I got on the road it was 7:30.. and I wasn't going to make it. The drive was dark and boring? but I eventually made it to the front gates of FLW around 9:30. Well, when you get to the base after 9:00p.m. you need a pass... so then I waited in more lines to get a pass then get my vehicle inspected... then Nate called to tell me he could see me for two seconds to "give me my credit card that I lost" (I did no such thing but yay! see! him!). So I miraculously found my way to where he stays and got to see him for one minute. :) :) Then I drove around looking for the lodging office and got complete lost.. eventually I found it and got my room. Around 10:30, I pulled up to the FLW Burger King and was sooooo excited to have my first meal since 10:00a.m. and they. were. closed. I was devistated. I drove towards where I hoped my room was... and found a gas station! I stocked up on goodies and went to my room and ate... felt better... and then slept.

Sunday... Valentine's Day... I woke up around 7, got ready and sat in a parking lot waiting for Nate. When I go out, I have to "check him out"... I feel like it's good practice for when I'm a mom. :) So we went up to the principles er, sergeants and filled out my info... and then we were freeeee! We spent the day giggling, eating, relaxing, driving around, at church (we were asked if we were brother and sister while we were holding hands... weird?). He had to be back at 6... so I checked him back in and went back to my place.

Monday... Same thing. 9:00 I was waiting to check him out and I was with him until around 2:00 when I had to head to the airport. It snowed a lot Sunday night so driving around was fun and cold (Missouri is sooooo cold). And cuddling in my room was especially nice. Nate is so warm. I miss that so much when he's not around. I feel like I'm physically warmer when I'm within 5 feet of him. Oh boy, I love him. The ride back to the airport was uneventful. I didn't cry! For the most part, the weather cooperated and I was only lost for a few minutes trying to find where to return my rental car. I made it in plenty of time (thanks to the 40 minute delay) and got home around 11:00. I cried when the pilot came on and said "if you're living in the Salt Lake area, Welcome home." I wanted to go back so much right then and there. I also cried at the bottom of the stairs at the thought of lugging my heavy suitcase up the stairs by myself. BUT I am handling it. I feel so happy and light when I'm with Nate.. and I go through the motions of everyday life when I'm not. I am so blessed with the things that are surrounding me and I try and remember them when I think of being sad. I am doing well today, and hope and pray he is too.

I don't feel like this post explains how much FUN we had together. I don't have any exciting stories about the weekend... We just enjoyed doing a whole lot of nothing TOGETHER.

I did find out that FLW can be pretty when we visited the golf course on Post and it was BEAUTIFUL and the river right before it kept making me squeal, "Ohhh this is so pretty!" every few minutes.

April 6th, hurry up pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssse.

The happenings.

2010-02-10T10:15:00.005-07:00

This little gem came from one of my friend's statuses (is that how you spell that?) and it was toooo great not to share (Yes, sometimes Facebook is great):

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a better past."

I've never heard that before and I simply love it. I don't know if I've ever heard a "forgiveness" quote that so perfectly describes what forgiveness is. Here's to a better future...

And in case you worried....

I GO TO MISSOURI IN 2 DAYS. THERE'S THE REST OF TODAY, ALL OF TOMORROW, AND THEN I FLY OUT FRIDAY. YAY YAY YAY YAY. Words cannot describe how excited I am to see my cute husband. :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) Those smiley faces should help. :) :) :) And so should those.

SOoooO EXCITED.

I won't see him Friday or much of Saturday but I will take what I can get.

Speaking of getting: Nate got me these cute flowers for Valentine's Day. I'm not a huge V-day fan but I am a big fan of flowers. We decided no gifts this year... just plane tickets, hotel, rental car, and being together... :)

In other news, bummmed about Ali leaving the Bachelor... but I think she'll be back. If not, go Tenley? My sister Julie had a b-day... Happy birthday meine besten fruend. My hair is now blonder, and I'm loving it. My job will be the death of me... sometimes my big girl job is just a little too big. Um, Nate's doing great.. time is flying... if it would just stop snowing in Missouri. PLEASE.

The end of the happenings.

Loving him.

2010-02-04T12:30:00.003-07:00

I know I know, It's been a little while since I've written anything. I will say I have sat down and typed a fair amount but never posted because it was all boring. I'm not sure this post will make the cut either. :)

Well I'm in Utah again. Ha ha. I've been here for about two weeks. Spending the last few hours with Nate was great. Sometimes we both get a little worried and overwhelmed, but when we are together we can calm down. He knows how to tell me everything will be okay, and I know how to reassure him it's not that much longer. I left Missouri in really high spirits actually and for the most part I've kept that attitude with me.

Nate graduated Basic... and is currently in AIT (don't ask me what that stands for).

What it means is:

1. He is still there. And I am still here.

2. He still wakes up early, still does a lot of PT (physical training), and still has very strict rules.

3. He has his phone, computer, and personal time at nights (usually). And has weekend passes (usually). He doesn't get to spend any nights off base but he has set chunks of time called "off-post" passes where he can go off post... but most of his passes will be on post.

4. I AM GOING TO VISIT HIM NEXT WEEKEND. :) His pass will be on post but I can't wait to see him and spend Valentine's Day and President's Day with him. :)

As expected, it has been a lot easier this time around. I still miss him EVERY single second (I didn't say it's been great this time around... it's been easier... so the worst thing got easier) but him having his phone and computer has made things so much better. In Basic, we led very seperate lives but now we can talk every day and be involved with what's going on in each others lives. He is still real... somewhere and I get to hear that and see (skype) that every day.

I love love love love love love love love love him. I can't explain how happy the good morning texts make me. (They come WAY too early. We have scheduled a two week nap for when he comes home so he can recover from all of this. In all reality, he'll come home like he did for Christmas break... always going going going and needing to do something. ) The sweet dreams at nighttime make the 3-4 hours I'm still awake after he goes to sleep so much easier. I can text him if I have a bad dream or feel sad and he'll reply with something sweet in the morning. That may not seem like it's the best thing in the world... but it is right now. :) I feel like one lucky gal.

Some people go their whole lives without truly appreciating what being HOME means. I will spend the rest of my life trying to never take for granted how happy I am when I'm with Nate... because wherever he is, that's where I belong. That's my home. And no matter where he goes, I will never forget what it feels like when he's home with me.

Graduation!

2010-01-22T13:00:00.002-07:00

I am currently sitting in Nate's T-shirt and sweats, very clear tear stains on my cheeks, and sad. I knew he wouldn't be able to stay last night, I knew he wouldn't be able to see me every day... but it's still hard to be alone when he's SO CLOSE.
So far the days have been great. Perfect really, until the goodbyes. Tuesday traveling is a blur and there were no major hiccups. Sleeping in the USO was fine, and I loved talking to the old men and women who volunteered there.
Wednesday I got to my hotel around 11:00a.m. Nate called to say he could see me around 1 so I got ready… and he called to around 12:00 to say, “Hurry, come now.” So I hurried. Being with him is my favorite thing. We could do nothing at all and I am still the happiest person. We ate too much, hung out with a bunch of friends, sat at the bowling alley/PX for HOURS… It was one of the longest 8 hours of my life, and the best. The very best.
Thursday morning was Nate's graduation. It was such a neat ceremony. I thought it would last longer, but it was thankfully short. It was fun to be surrounded by people who knew how you felt. I've never been so happy and so proud of Nate. I am proud he's my husband, proud he's the one I ran to and kissed, proud proud proud. After the ceremony, we went to lunch with a bunch of his friends. I might get tired of the stories eventually, but right now I'm still thoroughly enjoying them. One of my favorite things that his friends would say to me was, "We're glad you're here... he really missed you." It's nice to hear he did miss me. :) After lunch we went back to the hotel and hung out. We napped for a little... really just enjoyed doing nothing at all. Then we went and saw The Lovely Bones (meh, it was okay... the book's great). Then we went to dinner. Then he left. It some ways it was such a long day, but really it was no where near long enough.
Today I woke up at 6:30, got ready… went and visited him for a total of 5 minutes and then came back to my hotel. In the army, I’ve learned to appreciate and seriously love “stolen” moments. I never thought I’d appreciate a one minute phone calls as much as I have the past few months. Seeing him for five minutes is just long enough to squeeze him, whisper I love you, and convince each other we’ll be together soon. Today I won’t see him again. I’m trying to convince to get up and eat but I mostly feel like sitting in bed. I should see him tomorrow and then I go home Sunday.
We did the hard part though. From here on out… he’ll have his phone, a lap top, no drill sergeants… we just have to last 10 more weeks.
The pictures we took look really cute on the computer but the facebook uploader made the colors all funky. Hopefully these looks better. ..

I'll probably post more later because there's not a lot else to do. :)

Dear John.

2010-01-17T00:42:00.005-07:00

I LOVED Dear John (the book) and I can't wait to see the movie. It's different than I was expecting but I think it's realistic. I'm sure there will be huge tears streaming down my face the whole time (a replay of what happened while I read the book)... but I cannot wait. The AMAZING song that's on the trailer for the movie is by Snow Patrol. It's the song of the moment, the lyrics are UNREAL.

Set the fire to the third bar... by Snow Patrol:

I find the map and draw a straight line
Over rivers, farms, and state lines
The distance from A to where you'd B
It's only finger lengths that I see

I touch the place
Where I'd find your face
My fingers in creases
Of distant dark places

I hang my coat up in the first bar
There is no peace that I've found so far
The laughter penetrates my silence
As drunken men find flaws in science

Their words mostly noises
Ghosts with just voices
Your words in my memory
Are like music to me

And miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

After I've traveled so far
We'd set the fire to the third bar
We'd share each other like an island
Until exhausted close our eyelids

And dreaming pick up from
The last place we left off
Your soft skin is weeping
A joy you can't keep in

And miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

And miles from where you are
I lay down on the cold ground and I
I pray that something picks me up
And sets me down in your warm arms

2009 was mighty fine. :)

2010-01-12T18:05:00.013-07:00

A look back on our 2009:

We went and visited Nate's sister Kristen in Washington for Valentine's Day. We LOVE it there, and we're so excited to go back (especially when the new baby comes!)

We got a new nephew (Bridger) and a new niece (Ella). LOVE love love.

I finally can legally party (ha ha)... I turned 21!
My sisters, me, and my mom went to Disneyland and had a blast.

We took a roadtrop back East and visited Dana, Weston, and Nate's two sisters. It was one of the best times of my life.
We celebrated the BIG one year!

Nate turned 23!!!!!!!!!

We bought a townhouse... and painted some of it... and love having it.
4 of our closest friends got married (Yay for Juliana and Steve, Cory & Lyndsey, Jessica and Chase, Johanna and Taylor) and Nate had a blast at every wedding.

Nate joined the National Guard and went to Basic Training. New Moon!
Nate came home to visit and we had a happy happy happy Holidays.

To sum it all up:

States visited together: 15

Hair colors: 5

New babies born to friends and family: 5

Months spent apart: 2.5

New phones: 4

Weddings attended: 6

New cars: 1

New house: 1

Overnight vacations: 5

New furniture: 10

New paint colors: 3

New TV's: 3

Places lived: 3

New animals: 0

New ipods: 3

New jobs (for Nate): 4

Number of friends that slept at our place(s): 15! We must be really cool... or have really comfy beds. :)

Best year ever: Definitely.

We sure had an eventful year.. but with Nate as my husband, I'm sure it's just gonna keep on going... I am sooo looking forward to 2010.

Time.

2010-01-11T23:35:00.003-07:00

I miss my husband. Some days are better than others but there's not a day that isn't cloudy. There's not one that's completely warm without him. I function pretty well... but most days I'd rather just lay in bed. I wake up in the middle of the night cold and I hate that I can't snuggle closer to him and warm up. That causes an instant and sometimes uncontrollable bout of tears until I eventually fall back asleep. I come home from work to a very silent, very empty home and somedays it takes all that I have to cook dinner, pay bills, work out, do the laundry... I am having a bad day today and I wanted to put it out there because I'm not happy all the time. I try really hard to blog about perfect-put-together-me but that's a lie. I'm far from put together, because half of me is far away.
I am so proud of Nathan. He graduates in a week and I get to go out and see him. I leave Tuesday and come home Sunday. He graudates on Thursday and I'm praying that I can see more than that. I am trying really hard to not get my hopes up but more likely than not, my hopes will be as high as can be. He starts AIT on the Monday after graduation and will be there until April. I am looking forward to April... for our lives to be back to normal. For him to just be home and us to just be boring.
Days like today, you'd think I'd question our decision to do this... but I don't. Nate and knew this would be a huge sacrifice but it was right for him and for us. My best advice would be to always pray for reassurance that what you're doing is right... because as long as we're walking down the right path, we'll be okay in the end. It just takes time.
I love Nate. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father who listens to my pleas and is watching over Nate and our friends.

When I think of you I don't feel so alone...

2010-01-03T20:50:00.012-07:00

Vanilla Twilight by Owl City... how I feel tonight:

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

We had two great weeks, perfect weeks... they went by way too fast. Christmas was magical... we got way too much stuff. Having Dana and Weston here was sooo nice. Altamont was freezing but fun. Being home was great. Seeing all of our friends was a blast. I am missing Nate way too much tonight, I do get to see him on the 21st and hopefully a few more days for his graduation so only a few more weeks. I just miss him. I miss how warm he is. I miss how cute he looks when he smiles. I miss how funny he is. I miss how excited he gets when I am coming home from work. I just miss him. Yesterday was a bad day, today was a hard tay, tomorrow will hopefully be a better day...

Here's a few pictures of things we've been up to while he was home... Dana took a few pictures of up in Altamont and I LOVE them, thanks Dana.

Nate threw snow in the air to add to this picture... i love this.

Miss holding on to him...

Great pictures!

Nate cut his hair, we went to cheese cake factory with Devin, Missy, Tanner and Danielle. Fun.

We got a fancy new car...

Nate's bald.. I was sad... at lunch before the airport

I'll probably be blogging more now since I have time now.

Bliss.

2009-12-22T21:20:00.002-07:00

Hm. Jenny is happy. I had a few extra minutes while Nate is playing volleyball, so I thought I'd upated my blog............ Friday was a dream. Work went well in the morning, I was beyond excited and had a hard time focusing but I'm happy that I wasn't just sitting at home watching the clock tick. When it finally turned 1:00, I decided I could leave to the airport... As I was driving every few minutes I'd look at the clock and squeal at how close it was for him to be home. I couldn't wait. I parked the car, and walked into the terminal at 2:00. I sat around for a little then decided to check the board... and his plane said "ARRIVING." 30 minutes early! I asked a guy if I was in the right place... and he said "No, you need to be at Terminal 2." Then the board changed to "AT GATE." So I ran... as fast as I could... in high heels... to the right place. There were lots of men walking by in ACU's and I kept thinking "Oh no, he's already here... his phone is dead and he's already here walking around the airport... and more hyperventilating..." Then I got there and decided to calm down and stood around with a bunch of other people. Slowly but surely, people started walking out of the terminal and forever later...so did Nate. I cried. Lost it. Ha ha. We just hugged and said hi and hugged and it was perfect. Since then, we've just enjoyed being together. Nothing too fancy. It actually feels like he's been home forever and that makes me happy. We can't wait for our friends Dana and Weston to get here (yay!) and for Christmas to come (yay!) and for more days to just be together (yay). We hope everyone has a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and the happiest New Year!

Waiting.

2009-12-18T00:07:00.005-07:00

He comes home TODAY! kfjpqowru3poiuqwerpoiujdsflkjas;ldfjopwqiurepoiurpqoi3jr;lkqwejr! I can't even describe how I'm feeling. I am very excited and very nervous and very happy and very very very very anxious. Anxious seems to describe how I'm feeling the best. Nate is on a bus right now driving to the airport and hopefully sleeping. I just got home from Macey's where I picked up a few last minute groceries (yes, Dr. Pepper for Nate was worth going to Macey's out in freezing temperatures at midnight for). The house is cleaned.. and it looks pretty good, if I do say so myself. My hair is done and my outfit is picked out. There's a tupperware of homemade peanut butter cookies waiting to be taken to work, then to the airport. Our candy jars are all stocked. My tummy is fluttering. I am READY for him to be here. I can't believe it was 2 months ago that I said goodbye to him. I can't believe I get to see him tomorrow. I can't wait. 2:35, come here soon pleeease.

I am currently in bed watching Pride and Prejudice (random choice, I know) and reallly hoping I can sleep... just to pass the time. :)

Rambles

2009-12-14T00:45:00.003-07:00

This picture is titled rambles in my pictures. I have no memory of putting that as the title? But it gets to be shared because it's an awesome coincidence. I'm 18 or 19 in this picture. I think I look totally different now.

A few things that have flown through my head today... DISCLAIMER: Today happens to include the 1:00, 2:00, 5:00, 6:00a.m. on Monday and now the 1:00am that I'm still typing this on Tuesday. I'm a little worried that my zzzz's are going to suffer this week due to the overwhelming feeling I have to shout Horray! or sing the happiest songs! Heehee.

I think often about the things I miss about Nate... the things I want to appreciate more... the things that keep me up all hours of the night... the things that make me love him. One thing that crossed my mind lately: Nate is an honest little creature. If I am having a bad hair day or my shirt makes me look fat... Nate is not the person I ask if I'm looking for someone to say "No, your hair looks nice" or "I think you look cute in that shirt." If I say that to Nate, and it's the truth... he will, for sure, agree with me. "You're right Jen, your hair doesn't look that great that way." When we were dating, it used to hurt my feelings. I would moap until he realized he was mean... which would take awhile sometimes. Ha ha. Since we've been married... I've learned to appreciate it. A. Because I do have awful hair days and I am so far from seriously caring about that... and shirts that make me look large, I've heard it's the style these days? ha ha. B. Because the times that Nate takes my head in his hands and whispers, "You are so beautiful" I am positive (no matter how illogical) he means it. I miss hearing that. I miss getting cute and seeing him look twice. I think this epiphany hit when I colored my hair on Thursday and felt new and cute with my bronze (yes, I call it bronze) hair... and I wanted him here to say that. Hm. This sounds like I'm complaining... just explaining.

Next. I try really hard to be a happy person at work. I think that these past few weeks I have used Nate being gone and me being lonely as an excuse to be a little (or a lot depending on who you ask) snappy. I will say that I'm a million steps above a few people there who permanently wear grumpy pants, but I haven't been myself lately. The person I want to be there. In a silly way, I've always felt that I can be an example or at least a bright spot in the days of the people I work with. I joke with Lisa about being a bright-ray-of-sunshine and how I radiate-helpfulness. These past few work days, I've made a conscious effort to go back to my cheerful days and try and brighten my co-workers days. I spend a lot of time there... and I might as well make the best of it, and try really hard to help others. So I'm writing that down to try harder at being a little nicer. Sometimes I feel like I'm an awful person, but I'm trying. Really hard.

Christmas card are too funny and so fun. I LOVE getting Christmas cards. I wanted to send out cards this year but I didn't with everything that's been going on...... but if I sent a Christmas card, the little update that I'd send with it would say something like this: Nate and I are doing really well. Nate is in Basic Training with the National gaurd in FLW, Missouri. I am at home in Utah working and trying to stay busy. Nate gets to come home for Christmas (Dec. 18th- Jan. 2nd) and we can't wait. We will try to fit all of the hugs, kisses, family, friends, and love into those two weeks and then say goodbye again. He graduates the 21st of January, then will continue his training there until April. I will visit him when I can. I am so proud of him and the sacrifices he is making for me, our future family, and our country. I envy his courage and selflessness. I am so happy to be his wife. We have so enjoyed this past year and can't wait for whatever 2010 has for us. We love you, and hope that your Christmas and New Years are beautiful. I will try harder next year to actually send out a Christmas card. Happy Holidays one and all.

The tow truck that drives around our townhouse complex seriously circles are place once every fifteen minutes. Holy moly, go to sleep...

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT PREGNANT. Babies. What is going on with the voice in the back of my head saying,"Jenny... baby?" The thoughts that I'm having now are: Will I ever feel like I can be responsible for a little fragile human being? Will I ever feel ready? How would a little baby survive with me as a mother? Wouldn't the doctors/nurses be out of their minds to send a helpless creature home with Nate and me? Hm. Those kind of thoughts are the ones I try really hard to not think about at 3:00 in the morning. I get a little overwhelmed at that time. Kind of a long these lines, my best friend Jessica's baby is so cute. I am stunned how smitten I am with little Evan already.

Nate is doing SO good. He is feeling better finally. He is doing well in all activies. He has a bunch of friends. He is coming home. Hm. I think that covers him.

My family is the best. I am so grateful to have them as my support system while Nate has been gone. I don't see how people do it without a group like them. I am not strong enough. I find myself praying often that the men and women who are seperated from their loved ones are being taken care of like I have been. I am proud to say that I have only slept at my parent's house TWICE since he's been gone. (One-The first night, Two-the night I left my phone in Norstroms, and had no alarm clock) Scaredy cat Jenny slept alone almost every night. There for sure have been nights that I have slept with the light on, and prayed that my heart would stop beating so fast but for the most part I have been a big girl. It's kinda nice talking like it's over but probably not the best thing because.....

He will leave again. Ugh. I can't write about that yet. I will put that in a little drawer and bring it out after he's gone again. I will enjoy the two weeks without worrying about more time alone. I will enjoy the two weeks without worrying about more time alone. I will write this sentence one hundred more times and see if it works. :)

My hair is getting long-ish again. If I get the brilliant idea to chop all of my hair off: STOP ME.

Eight o' clock meetings are nooooooooot fun. Eight thirty, great. Eight means I have to get there at 7:30. 7:30 is far too early. If I haven't made myself clear before, mornings are NOT my thing. If no one called, and my neighbors stayed quiet... I could sleep until 3 or 4 in the afternoon. That's awful to admit. In my defense, I do wake up (and have since I was 16) at 7:30 Monday-Friday and work 40+ hour weeks. Okay, 4:00 is awful no matter what my excuse is.

I am actually feeling sleepy. Ni-night. Hopefully.

This post is probably so random and so boring but that's what goes on in my overactive mind. The moral of all the rambles, I am soo excited. SOOO excited. And no matter what happens the next few days, I will be in a good mood because I am going to be with HIM again soon. I love my Nathan, and I get to kiss him in 3 days. So excited.

E.X.C.I.T.E.D.

2009-12-10T22:13:00.000-07:00

When we were kids my parent's used to tell us... "Santa won't come until you're asleep." It was my mom's way of saying, "Go to sleep you wound up, annoying, hyper children..." and a way for us to tell our little excited tummies to stop being so fluttery and focus on getting to sleep so the moment we've been waiting for would actually come.

That's how I'm feeling right now. I am too excited for my own good and it is making the moment that he's here in my arms seem like FOREVER away.

But he will be here in one week (and one day but it's almost over so...) and my tummy turns thinking about how excited I'll be next week at this time. Holy moly!

I am not one to handle exciting/stressful things very well. My tummy goes all topsy-turvy on me at the slightest bit of stress (Nate and I are very similiar in that aspect) so I'm trying to breathe in and out and focus on keeping calm. It's not working. And it's just going to get worse.
Or better, depending on how you look at it.

So I thought I'd write a post about what my mind keep running to... this boy.

I miss the man who would listen to my pink ipod, with pink headphones, carry my pink bag and pose for pictures.

I miss lying around in PJ's all day and simply enjoying each others' company.

He is my best friend.

I miss wrestling, chasing each other around the house, goofing off..

I miss being silly and weird and laughing so hard together.

Just another one.... to say we laugh. a lot.

I miss snuggling.

Oh this post would take forever and I need to write a letter to him. But I love him. And I CANNOT wait to be with him soon.

I will post another one soon with more excitement (I'm sure) and more details of our plans....

Oh I colored my hair tonight, well my friend Juliana did, and I love it!

2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2, 2... 2!

2009-12-04T10:24:00.004-07:00

Two weeks.

Eeeeeeeeeek!

:o)

If you could see the smile that is permanently stuck on my face because of that happy happy number (except for when I cough up a lung, of course.. no smiles then), you would understand how excited I am.

Two weeks.

Which means next week is:

One week!

And then...

HE'S HERE!

Ahhadfioseruqpioey5piuyewriquyeiouryqwoieur! (That is my exciting type if you were confused). I can't even wait!

I haven't heard from Nate all week but I'm hoping to get a letter today. This coming Sunday he has a 4 hour pass and will probably be calling a few people so keep your phones with you in the afternoon. (Dana and Weston, hint hint).

The to-do list for the next 2 weeks is:

1. Clean the house (when I get home I will post some pictures of my Christmas-y house that I'm loving)

2. Go to the store. I don't require much food. If there is bread, cheese, ham, pasta, pizza, milk, candy, and cereal in the house I'm set. Nate requires a little more. Plus his lists of wants when he gets home is not currently in the house... so we gotta get that going.

3. Hair. I am going to be a brunette when Nate gets home... he has said he'll still love me if I am... but I want to just color it again to even it out and such.

4. work work work work work. work. ugh.

5. Get better! This sicky thing is zero fun. I'm just glad I got it before he's here.

6. Visit my best friend's baby! Jessica had her baby on Wednesday! 9lbs 10oz! She's awesome and baby Evan is just the cutest little thing. He's so big and so so precious. Love her. Love him.

7. Christmas shoppppppping. Nate already has too many gifts but the mall keeps calling.

8. Um, be so excited.

Well that seems like a full schedule to me. :)

YAY.

Just him

2009-11-25T18:58:00.008-07:00

What I've been up to.... (Yes, my heart hurt a little when I typed "I" instead of "we")

New Moon. I loved it. Of course. My sister Julie thinks Bella should've cried more. I agree. I loved it thought, really. I thought it did a good job portraying the book. I loved Jacob in the movie because he's completely loveable.... but people who switched teams after the movie were never really truly on Team Edward. (Go Team Edward). My mom decided that she was team Charlie. Ha ha. I can't wait to see it again. (And neither can Nate, his plan is to see it Saturday December 19th). Funny story in Nate's words: "Some female said that New Moon comes out this weekend and I said, Oh I'm excited to see that! Then it was quiet for a little while and slowly other guys said yeah, me too... yeah, uh huh..." Ha ha. Love him.

Johanna and Taylor's wedding! It was such a beautiful day. The temple was amazing, and the reception was beautiful. I am so happy that they are married and there day went so well. I love you Jo, and I'm so happy for you and Taylor! I'm excited to see the pictures their photographer took. I love wedding pictures!

Sister-filled-nights. I love my sisters. I've already said a thankful post for them but I really can't get enough of them. The other night we decided to have a hair dying party. We now all have the same color.. brownish red (that's what mine has faded to). Theirs is still more red than mine, and mine will soon be a different color... hopefully blondish. I can never stay dark for too long.

Jenny is ick. I have a sore throat, upset tummy,and stuffy nose, and guess what.. I'm thankful. It is pretty inevitable that I'll get sick each year and it couldn't really have come at a better time. I would hate to miss work right now for any other reason than to see my husband... so Thanksgiving break will be full of lots of sleep and lots of getting better. Sadly, and something I'm having a hard time being positive about is Nate is back to being sick again. I could barely hear him on Sunday but he seemed to be in good spirits. Keep him in your prayers, please.

Ever since I can remember, Nate and I ask "Do you need anything?" whenever we get up from the couch, when I'm leaving for work in the morning, when he was coming home from work... etc... and our answer always is "Just you." Sometimes we add in something like... a drink of water, a kiss, some dinner... but the beginning is always the same. Lately I've been thinking about that statement. I am doing well. It's the holidays and I can shop and shop. I am surrounded by my family and friends who I love. I have a house that feels new, and I love it. Work is keeping me busy, and not completely killing me. I'm still down though, because I need him. Just him. He is my happy place, and I can't wait to be in his arms again.

I REALLY hope I can talk to him tomorrow but he didn't think he'd be able to. He did say it was a day off of training though, and so I'll be grateful he can sort of rest.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I am grateful for the days ticking by! It feels closer now. It feels like I can get excited now. :)

It was a no good, very bad day until....

2009-11-20T08:32:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was awful (and awful is my word of choice lately, yes... I am loving it a little too much). Work was long. Some days it seems everyone wants everything all at the same time and forgets or ignores the fact you already have so much to do. Those days are the worst. After work, I decided to go up to my mom's and print off a few pictures for Nate and my car fell apart. :( Ugh. Some sort of bolts came loose and the under carriage of my car was dragging on the road. Lovely. Really. It's in the shop and the damage has yet to be determined. Please please please fix it quickly and cheaply. I'm a little worried that this car dilema has completely ruled out Altamont this weekend and I couldn't even explain how much I want to be there. :( After I hear from the shop, I'll give everyone a call who's expecting me there and let them know the good or awful (see) news.

So there I was last night feeling sorry for myself... and I got a message from a number I didn't know. And this is what the message was:

Just this adorable picture of my adorable husband. He'd love it so much if he heard me call him that. Ha ha. So my mood completely turned around as I realized two things: I'm married to the cutest person in this world, and I am one day closer to him no matter how terrible it was. :)

P.S. The countdown to TWILIGHT is t-minus 8 hours, 39 minutes, 31 seconds. Yes. Can't wait.

The countdown until NATE IS HOME is: 28 days, 5 hours, 40 minutes and 19 seconds. It would embarass me if someone knew how often I went to check that. :)

Flowers and Balloons.

2009-11-16T16:48:00.004-07:00

He's so cute.

Nate said he had to go for thirty seconds while we talking yesterday and he called my mom and had her pick up some cute flowers and balloons for me. :)

Please don't notice my disastrous desk or my awful pink shirt or even my no-make up face... just the cute flowers and balloons from a sweet husband.

Love him. It was such a lovely phone call yesterday. He's a squad leader, have I said that? He was cute about being proud about that. I am way proud of him. He's a great leader and a great person to look up to. And he was one of only a few to pass the PT test already so he gets to call me tomorrow! How lucky! (Passing his test meant he did, 56 push ups, 65 sit ups, and ran 2 miles in 14 minutes... there's no possible way I could ever do that). He's also feeling better (almost over the bronchitis that EVERYONE seems to have over there). He says the guy in the bunk above him has had a fever of 103. Not good. He sends his love to everyone and talks so sweetly about missing the family. We are almost in the 20's and we are both excited to be together again!

A love letter.

2009-11-14T23:38:00.006-07:00

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Friday I got the cutest letter from Nate. I hadn't heard from him all week which I expected because he couldn't mail a letter until Monday and then Veteran's day pushed the letter back to Friday but it was worth the wait! :) He is so cute to me and I have probably read and re-read the letter 20 times by now. I am so excited to talk to him tomorrow!! A few highlights/updates from his letter:

"I worry about that heart of yours. " How sweet and mushy gushy.

"On Saturday we split into groups of ten and they sent us out in the woods to do a land nav. course. I was chosen to be the leader because I was the only one with outdoors experience. We were give a map and a compass and told to find at least 2 out of 4 points in 2 hours. We found all 4 with lots of time to spare." He loved this day! He's great at things like that!

"I'm doing really well on my training." Of course.

"I oughta thank your parents, but I'm grateful for your good looks." Ha ha. He's learning pick up lines! That's fantastic!

"Are you getting sooo excited for Twilight?" Um, yessssss...

"I like mornings or when I have a free second to think about good memories of us.... like that time I got stuck in the attic and knocked all of that insulation down." It was sooo funny. I can't believe I never blogged about it. The attic opening is right above our closet and I had to to vacuum all of our clothes off for hours. There was honestly 10 vacuum containers full of insulation all over. It was too funny.

(I didn't take pictures of the insulation mess... but this picture we were cleaning up after playing outside in my mom's kitchen sink so it fit.. kinda).

"Tell everyone hi. You really better tell EVERYONE hi or you're in big trouble." Hi everyone.

There was lots more mushy gushy things and sweet worries but he seems really good which is everything I could ask for. I am doing well also. Who would've thought!

We are almost to the one month away... almost in the twenties... almost time to wait at an aiport... almost time to be together again. My mind tends to wander to that a lot. :)

Because it should.

2009-11-13T12:37:00.002-07:00

I had a great day yesterday. I feel really good. I had a little epiphany that I thought I’d share and it came by one of my favorite bands Jimmy Eat World:

“It hurts because it should.”

How silly… but that sentence completely fixed my attitude. Of course, I’m lonely. Of course, I’m sad. Of course, I feel very very empty. Everyone should be worried about me if I didn’t feel that way! I love Nathan. He is my whole world and he has every piece of me and so of course being way from him hurts.

So I am hurting and super super lonesome because I should be.

We are down to one week until NEW MOON and 34 days until he is here! Oh yay!

Oh the things that go through my head.

P.S. This picture is awesome. We try and take lots of regular "cute" pictures but if you were to scroll through our photo albums, you'd find more pictures like this. I think we were seeing the difference between our mouth sizes or being baby birds. Either one.

Don't feel bad for me.

2009-11-09T17:02:00.007-07:00

One of Nate's favorite things that I say is "Feel bad for me" when something very insignficant happens... example: Babe, I have a paper cut.. *insert sad 4-year old voice* feel bad for me.

Today I am having a "feel bad for me" kind of day. Nothing major has happened, I'm just bummed. I said before Nate left that I thought the middle weeks would be the worst for me, and that is turning out to be true. It just feels like it's been forever and there's still forever left. See, feel bad for me kind of day.

So I thought now would be a perfect time for another thankful list......

1. Wii Fit. I stole/borrowed and never returning (kidding?) my parent's Wii fit after Nate left and I LOVE it. I can already see my tummy and arms looking different! And I feel better. I hate to run and have never found a way to like it, but with the Wii.. I skip around my house like a lunatic, and love it. Seriously. So here's to getting back in to shape before December.. and the Wii fit.
2. Bath tubs. My little tubby is my favorite place. I bath at least 3-4 times a week. After a long day at work, the bath tub seems to make everything feel better. I like the quiet time to think and relax: two things I desperately crave these days.

3. Sunday phone calls. Who knew a 20 minute phone call would make everything better? They seem to last two seconds but I instantly feel better after I hear his cute voice. It's nice to talk to him and hear that he's actually doing okay and his letters aren't sheltering me. It's nice to listen to him grow and talk about the things he loves. It's nice to hear him say he misses me and believe him so much... it's simply nice. This Sunday he talked about all his sports teams, making sure I make plans for Christmas, telling me to prepare for the meal he will request for the Friday he gets home, and telling me all about getting "gassed" this past Friday. I can't imagine how that would feel and I'm just glad it's over. He had "his best day" there on Saturday. They got to do a land navigation course and he had lots of fun he said, that's the happiest thing I can hear.

4. Nieces and Nephews. I love my nieces and nephews. I am LUCKY to have so many, I wish they all lived close so I could see them every day. Jack, Ella, Bridger and Rylee are the closest and I love to visit them as often as possible. I can't wait to have my own.

5. Parker's Drive In. This isn't a joke. I love that little shack on the corner. They make delicious hamburgers that I actually had at my wedding. Every since I can remember, it was my favorite place and I will be chained to the front door if they ever try and shut it down. :)

6. 5:00. No matter what day it is, 5:00 is a good time. Monday-Friday it means I am no longer bound to this place (though I may stay, it becomes my choice) and Saturday it means I can roll out of bed.. ha ha... and Sunday it means family dinner time. All great things and leads me to my next thankful....

7. Family dinners. My family eats together every Sunday. It is something I take for granted and I know I would miss it so much if/when we move away. I love being able to eat my mom's delicious food, play Rummy, and hang out with all of us.

8. Banana Republic. Enough said? No. It is the best store... sorry all you other stores, it's true. If my wallet were big enough, my closet would be full of only BR things. They usually have great sales and the trick is check often enough to catch them. :)

9. Chocolate milk. I love chocolate milk. I love how it goes great with (almost) everything especially pasta. I love that it's chocolate. I love it.

10. Drapes. Um, I after how many months? finally have curtains covering my big front patio window (which is stupidly a "custom" size hence the drapes and not blinds). I think my neighbors are devistated that they can't see me anymore but I am thrilled. :) It'll be weird to not just lock myself in my bedroom when I get home... I can actually roam the house. Thanks mommy for helping me put them (and by helping, I mean doing it yourself). I love you and my new curtains.

I love MY Soldier

2009-11-07T00:17:00.016-07:00

(I cut off the "S" but you get the idea... it was surprisingly hard to get a decent picture of me with the whole saying in it... this was the winner.)

Well there are no thankful's today but there will be soon! (The list is in the 100's now... don't you worry, you doubters out there)

...But I wanted to give an update on my cute boy. I got an envelope today that had 3 different letters in it (2 of them were on 3" x 4" paper... but still, excited). They were soooo sweet. A few highlights:

"I am so so so glad you are mine forever. It's so comforting to know that." Oh, he's so cute.

"So have you gotten a cat yet? I bet you have. Just don't get too attached." For the record, I haven't gotten a cute little kitten...

"We got crazy smoked today... there are these pits the size of football fields with cut up tires in... we have to run and crawl... it's crazy. It's hard but I'm alright. We started running and I like it? It's one of the few times you can let your mind wander." I just wish I was there to give him a nice foot massage and make him feel all better. He's one tough guy.

"How is everyone? Have you talked to my family? Tell everyone hi for me". Hi everyone.

"The guys that sleep around me are cool. The one that sleeps above me is my favorite. He's 26 years old from the Virgin Islands. He moved to Illinois to go to school then moved to Colorado. He has the same M.O.S. as me." Yay friends!

"I like my drill sergeants. They're tough but down to earth. I was really lucky." We have gotten lucky. He says his platoon is one of the only ones that gets to call home every Sunday. So grateful for that.

"I don't have to wear my big old glasses anymore, now I have goggles. I miss my contacts" Ha ha. Poor kiddo. I can't imagine life without my contacts.

"Goodnight, my love" ..oh, I miss him whispering that in my ear every night. :(

He seems to be doing good and I simply love that. I should get to talk to him Sunday so I can't wait.... yep, can't. Oh I love him and miss him so much. The sadness comes and goes but the emptiness is pretty constant. I think I'm handling it. I am trying my hardest to look forward to when he will be here and trying not to get to stuck on the lonely days. My journal entries and poems have doubled in the past few weeks as I've looked to organize my thoughts and understand my feelings. I'm grateful that I found that hobby at a young age... when I write something down, I instantly feel better.

Something else also came in the mail today from my sweet Dana. She sent me a cute package full of ideas of things to do while Nate's gone, a list of things I want to accomplish, a countdown, and a cute poem about being an Army wife. It's still weird for me to feel like that's what I am. I'm not strong enough to be considered in that category. I just support my husband one million percent and this is something he has wanted to do for so long and so I am here so proud of him. So so proud of him.

And there was also a cute shirt that says, "I love my Soldier" and that statement is so very true.

Thank you Dana for thinking about me and being here for me during this crazy time. It's nice to know you're there and understand. I hope everyone in the world has a friend like you.

Thanks to everyone who is keeping the two of us in your prayers. Please remember to pray for the men and women and families that were affected by the horrible tragedy at Fort Hood.

Day 5.

2009-11-05T12:34:00.007-07:00

Hm.

Continuing on with the fun fun thankful list...

1. My parents, and in-laws. I love my mommy and dad. My mom is hands down my best friend. She is the best person I know and feel so lucky that I get to learn from her. I appreciate her more than words could ever ever explain. And my dad is an amazing man. He is so smart and so good at what he does. He even sweetly is helping me with my failing fantasy basketball team like it was his own and in the silliest way, that means so much to me. :) I love you both. Pat and Rex have been the best new mom and dad I could've asked for. I have never so wholely fit into a boyfriend's family before I met Nate, and from the first trip to Altamont I felt loved and accepted by them. (It could've just been them wanting to get Nate married off??? but they still seem to like me now). They were always a brought spot on my list of "Why I should marry Nate" and I'm so grateful to be a part of their big, awesome family.

2. Brothers. Brothers are hard to talk mushy gushy about and even to say "I'm grateful for..." but the truth is I so am. Cory has the biggest heart of anyone I know, and he's also soooo fat. :) We tease each other maybe too much but at the end of the day I have his back, and he has mine. Always. Ryan is great. He also is sooo smart and I love playing cards with him and listening to him add things up that would've taken me longer with a calculator. I love Ryan's family and the chance we have to spend with all of them. I can't wait to have kids so we fit in to your lives even more. I appreciate both of you for letting Nate into your little circle, and I hope you know he loves you guys too. And my "other" brothers are also great.

3. Music! I LOVE music. New music, old music... most music. (I say most, not all because Nate whips out these crazy weird songs sometimes that I cannot love). Right now I'm listening to: "Need you now" by Lady Antebellum, "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna, "What if" by SafetySuit (they're whole album is amazing), "Ungodly hour" by The Fray, "The boy who blocked his own shot" by Brand New, "Carry You" by Jimmy Eat World, "Say" by One Republic, "I don't believe you" by Pink.... oh I could keep going but I won't. If you need new songs or have new songs.... PLEASE share.

4. Fleece sheets. Yes, I said FLEECE sheets. They have become my new best friend. Seriously. They are so perfectly soft and so perfectly warm and so so perfect. I could dedicate a whole post to this amazing little things. They are also 30bucks (for a queen) at Costco. Get them. Seriously.

5. Journals. At lunch yesterday, I had the SCARIEST epiphany. When I was my little sister Lisa's age (like exactly) I was dating Nate. Technically, we were in the stage of Jenny wanting to be friends and Nate wanting much more... but still... I was with the boy I would eventually marry! AHHHH. What were my parents thinking letting me get serious. Lisa is so young! ha ha. But the reason I'm thankful for journals is last night I went home and read all about when Nate and I were first dating... I cried and laughed and felt so incredibly giddy and happy and sad all at the same time just by reading it. It's so crazy to think I ended up with this boy who I truthfully didn't like so much and it was so fun to see my heart soften towards him and talk about our first kiss.. and talk about our first "I love you's" and talk about the engagement and everything. I can't wait to someday look back on right now and read about how much I missed Nate and hold on to him a little tighter.

PS. Things I'm not thankful for today: COUNTERMEASURES AND ACTION PLANS. Work is zero fun today and has the makings to be another long night here........... oh well, it truthfully is better than my empty home!

I'm thankful for.... (days 1, 2, 3)

2009-11-02T15:18:00.016-07:00

My pretty sister (in law) is doing this for the whole month of November so I decided to copy her. :o) Hope you don't mind Katie!

I'm going to start off a little more generic (and obvious) but stay tuned... towards the end of the month it might get EXCITING! :)

Today (BEING day 3) I am thankful for three things:

1. We'll just start off and get the mushy-gushy one out of the way. My Nathan. I got another letter from him yesterday and he seemed to be doing really well which is the happiest thing I can hear. There are too many specific things about Nate that I'm grateful for and I've probably shared far too much about him so far.... so we'll leave it at I'm grateful for the best thing in my world.

2. Sisters. I simply have the best sisters in the world. I am so so happy when I am with them. Julie is really the coolest person I know. She can make me laugh whenever she makes her famous silly faces and she comforts me in a way only an older sister can. I love her. Lidia is the cutest Little in the world. She puts up with me at work and somehow, we still remain the closest of friends. They both know all of my secrets and I'm so grateful that we can confide in each other. My other sisters are also the best. Katie is such an example of the kind of mom I can only hope to be and I have already accepted that my kids will never be as cute as hers. Nate's sisters and brother's wives (Lori, Kacey, Kristen, Lynly, Mary, Kim, Jill, and Shawnna) have become some of my closest friends. I feel blessed to be so included in their lives even though we're all spread out. I love all of their families and their sweet, cute kids. Thank you, all of you, for caring about me especially now when I need it the most.

3. Friends. I have been so blessed to have such close friends my whole life. My best friend Jessica is amazing. She is the strongest girl I know and if Iwasn't best friends with her, she'd terrify me. I thank her for sticking with me through my messiest years and helping me make the most important decision: marrying Nate. Juliana has been one of my closest friends since I can remember (literally 4 years old). I know that I can go to her with anything at any time and she will offer the best advice. She also is AWESOME at hair and I'm so glad I have someone who makes me feel beautiful and literally makes me look better. :) Johanna and JessicaDawn are also among my favorite girlies. Jess is everything I ever wanted to be and I look up to her in sooo many ways. Jo is beautiful, simply wonderful. She is so similiar to me and I simply love talking to her. No matter how long I spend a part from these girls, we can always just pick up wherever we left off. Marrying Nate was obviously one of the best things I ever did, it brought so many people in to my life and one of the most important is my sweet Dana. (She married Nate's best friend, Weston) She is PERFECT, seriously. I admire her on so many levels, especially in her strength while her husband (who is an Army RANGER!) is away from her. I wish that she would just move in to my extra bedroom so we could spend every moment together. :) There are so many other people that surround me that I consider friends, and I am grateful for all of them.

Happy November, everyone. OH don't worry, not every thankful post will be sooo full of pictures. Sorry!

Twenty Minutes in Heaven

2009-11-01T21:16:00.003-07:00

I got to talk to Nate today for twenty minutes!!

He is just the sweetest boy to me. I can't explain how much better I feel now that I know he's doing well. He says that it's not too bad. He's different than the other guys, he says, because he doesn't mind the running, yelling, or rules... he just misses home. :) Hm. I love him. He gets "gassed" this Saturday and isn't so excited about that but he gets his gun tomorrow so hopefully that makes it better. :) ha ha, boys. He got to go to the LDS church there today and said he really liked it. He really liked the branch president there so that's nice and an answer to my prayers.

I sent him a letter on Tuesday and wanted to make sure he got it before I gave it to everyone else (because he had one minute to tell it to me, in a room full of people, and couldn't repeat himself)... he didn't get it so cross your fingers he eventually does... but I'm sending an email on facebook with his address that he gave me tonight. He would SO love to hear from everyone. He won't have a lot of time to write back, but he will have an eight hour pass in a few weeks where he plans to call who writes him. ha ha. Jk. If you have any questions, let me know and I'll remember to ask him. He found out that he will be home on December 18th (which is next month, ha ha) until the 2nd or 3rd. He gets to buy his plane tickets tomorrow so hopefully that date can't change after that... he also found out that his graduation is on January 15th. It's nice to have real dates to look forward to.

I am so happy tonight.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-01T21:00:00.002-07:00

I love Halloween. It was obviously bittersweet without Nate here, but I managed to have a good time. For work, I dressed up as my sister Lisa and she dressed up as me. We had way too much fun taking pictures. Then for Halloween, we just dressed up in funny make up and put critters in our hair. I went and visited Rylee and Bridger (sooo cute), then helped my sister Julie get ready (she was Abby from NCIS, awesome), then visited Jack and Ella (more cuteness) then went to my mom's and passed out candy. My best friend Jessica came over and helped make some treats and pass out goodies and we had a quiet night at my mom's which is CRAZY different than how we used to spend our Halloween's. Yay for growing up. :) I have most of my pictures on my mom's computer of Halloween so check back later for more udpates on the pictures... but here's a sneak. :)

What do you think? Lisa and Jenny? :)